The last Dire wolf
by Nikkitosa
Summary: Set after TMNT 2014 movie! Eérine, a young woman with a difficult past, is trying to find who she is without hurting the people around her. Yet when danger looms over the ones she cares the most about, there's a choice to be made - embrace herself and fight, or keep on pretending she is something else.
1. Remind me of my past

Ok, so this is a story that literally has been torturing me ever since I watched the new TMNT movie, so I just had to write it. (Note: I have absolutely no idea if this story is for this cathegory; if it's not - someone please tell me where I should put it)

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing, but the plot and my OC. I may have changed the turtles' attitudes a little bit, but since this is my version... Anyway, I hope all errors, no matter gramatical or whatsoever, will be excused.

Hope you enjoy! Feel free to tell me what you think!

~Nikkitosa

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><p>I huff and throw myself on the couch, casually stretching my numb limbs. 'God, Leo overdid himself this time! I won't be able to walk straight for days.' I muse and shake my head, a small smile playing on my lips at the memory of the session that finally ended, thank God! As much as I try to be grateful and all for the time Leonardo spends with me, trying to teach me how to stay calm, to meditate and all that jazz, I just can't help but wish for Master Splinter to take over with my tuition. With him it was still hard and damn right painful for my muscles, but at least it took no more than an hour a day. And now? With Leonardo acting as my new teacher we don't spend less than three hours in that damn room! 'It's no wonder he and Raph have a hard time finding a common language. Leo is the most persistent and pig-headed of the brothers!' Rolling my eyes, I groan as the blood finally rushes back to my feet bringing along the feeling of thousands of needles poking my flesh. 'Good gracious! Bless all the heavens and hells! I thought I'd never be able to walk again!'<p>

"What have you done to Eérine, Leo?!" a worried voice echoes in the room.

True to my prediction, Mikey strolls out of the tunnel that leads to the area they call a 'kitchen'. Personally I call it a mouse trap.

With my eyes closed I try to focus on the loudest of the brothers' movements as he literally jumps and dashes around, fussing around me as if I have fainted.

"I'm still alive, Mikey, no worry! I won't let Leonardo have the satisfaction of breaking me!" I groan yet again after making a futile attempt to raise my left leg. "Darn! One of these days I'll set that room on fire!"

"And then you'll have to rebuild it. And don't think that your activities won't continue elsewhere." Leonardo's voice comes somewhere from behind the couch I'm currently sprawled all over.

"Give her a break, Leonardo." grumbles Raph as he emerges from the 'training room'.

And just like that a quarrel is kindled, leaving me and Mikey on our own.

"One of these days someone's going to get hurt." the worry in the usually cheerful Michelangelo makes me open my eyes and look at him.

Just like his brothers, he walks around well-equipped, as if waiting for the alarm to go off and a real battle to start. His nunchakus are safely clasped on a belt around his waist if the need for them arises. Yet, despite being well-trained, Mikey is the only one in the quartet that tends to drop said weapons on various occasions, mostly with the worst timing. Unlike the youngest, Donatello, who would rather stay near his computers and help from there, Mikey is all about action and adrenaline. Which often leads to one of his brothers running to his rescue.

"I really don't know where they find the power to argue…" sighs Donatello after glancing at his siblings from over the screen of his computer.

Inhaling deeply, I try to summon Master Splinter to come and put an end to all the rattling, as I feel the last remainings of my patience slipping from between my fingers.

"Children, why are you still quarrelling over nonsense?" like having heard my silent prayer Master arrives, or actually appears out of thin air, but who cares to notice.

Without another word, Leo and Raph turn around and leave, each taking the opposite directions.

"Sometimes I wonder whether they turn five every time they meet." I whisper and massage my temples.

"Their lack of understanding for one another will soon disappear, I hope."

I can't help the scoff that leaves me after hearing that.

"We wish."

In an eye blink, Splinter is in front of me and his long tail wraps around my ankle, lifting me up in the air. I yelp, as my clothes follow the natural laws of gravitation and slide down.

"Eérine, I heard you complaining from a few miles away. " he calmly states, successfully changing the subject while swaying me as I'm hanging upside down.

"Hey! He makes me sit on my ass for over three hours! I can barely feel my muscles below the waist!" I try to explain myself, only to end up tossed across the room.

Were I a normal human being, keeping in mind the force he threw me with, I'd have surely smashed against the wall and broken a bone or two. But I am no human. So as I fly through the air, I let my other side, the primal one, kick in and rather than landing on my ass I gracefully step on my feet. Staring right into Master Splinter's round black eyes, I know exactly what he sees – a young girl with long snow-white hair pulled back and the two usually dark brown eyes now changed into two glowing yellow disks. A wild animal's eyes. A Dire wolf's eyes. A low growl rumbles from within my chest, but it's not in annoyance but rather pride. 'Thinking you can catch me off-guard, ne, old man?' Smirking I nod, the glowing eyes vanishing before I go fetch my bag from the chair Don is currently sitting on.

"Oi, Donnie, mind letting my bag go?" I'm beaming at him.

He jumps up, startled that I'm pointing at his chair and looks around, only to see my old leather backpack looking like a pancake.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" he nervously peels it from the seat and in a desperate attempt to give it some shape, lightly shakes it.

The ringing sound that comes from inside makes his eyes widen behind his strange goggle-glasses, making them even larger, almost in an anime-like way. I'm even sure, was it possible, he would have turned tomato-red from embarrassment. But since his green reptile skin doesn't offer such an option I'm left with only my imagination, which results in a free cheerful laughter.

"Chill, mate! Those are just my keys!" I manage to say in-between laughter.

Donnie's face relaxes and he breathes a sigh of relief before handing me my bag, a sheepish smile on his face.

"You leaving us?" calls Mikey while hitting on the controller like crazy.

"Should I bring a few spare ones?" I whisper to the youngest while putting on my jacket.

Donatello just shakes his head, still smiling, before his attention goes back to his computer.

"Yeah, I think I have had enough meditation and sore muscles for today. And besides, tomorrow is sparring day, which means that I need to be as fresh as a daisy in order to kick Raph's ass."

Three low chuckles echo in the room.

With a mumbled 'bye' from both brothers and a nod from Splinter I leave the main room and follow the tunnels leading back to a shaft near my place.

The first thing I do after I enter my small, compactable flat is to check my answering machine. The red lamp is flashing at me warningly and even before I hit the button, I know I won't like what I'll hear.

"Howdy, 'Rine!" a way too cheerful voice greets before a small pause follows. "I'm calling to ask ya for a favour? My cousin's friend's dog is sick and I need to help 'em with all the vet stuff and all… and I won't be able to make it in time for my shift… Mind covering for me? You're a cherry!" a low beeping sound follows, signalising me the end of the message.

"Freaking peanuts! This will be Holly's fourth time this month!" I mumble while heading for the bathroom.

A long relaxing shower will manage to cool me down and bring some life to my limbs. After all a night's shift in _Mamakoon's_ will require all the power, both physical and mental, that I can master in order for all the customers to live long enough to get their order and go away. 'What's up with these Americans and their pizzas? How can they even eat this shit?' When I first started working in _Mamakoon's _I thought it will be some easy money. After the first shift I wanted to kill someone – too many people crowded in a way too tiny space, shouting over one another, wanting attention and pizza, made me nervous and reminded me that I'm quite the bit claustrophobic. I was at my limit by noon, but somehow contained myself from snapping and going all wolf on them. I stupidly believed that it will be no big deal, that it was just a day thing, or at least that I would eventually get used to it. God, how deluded I was, whining that the day shift is a pain in the ass. The real thing was the night ones and after my first I had to literally run all the way home and spend the morning hours in meditation rather than snapping necks or ripping throats out. Yeah, working in the neighbourhood pizza shop turned out to be a thorn in my ass. That was two years ago. Now it's still a thorn but thanks to Splinter's help, I no longer feel the urge to kill whenever I hear the words 'pizza' and 'chicky' in the same sentence. Yet with time I became so disgusted by those damn pastry circles that whenever someone mentioned pizzas out of my work, I tended to slap the person behind the neck; a friendly reminder that I hate it. All my colleagues know that. My friends now that. And yet it seems that the only one who is still unenlightened is Holly – the new counter girl that came only three months ago and who I was put in charge off. And being the typical stereotype of a redneck with all the slang and things, she seems to be blind for all my signs of reluctance and irritation when she asks me to take her shift. Yet I do it. There's something so naïve, girly and innocent in her that I can barely even shout at her.

Shaking my head I chase away the thoughts of the restaurant or however they call it, and all things that it drags along. Despite my best attempts, though, I can't focus solemnly on the warm water running down my body and the relaxation of my muscles. My mind wonders around until it stops on the usual topic for 'under shower' thoughts – how did I end up here? Where did all that luck two and a half years ago come from?

Probably I should start from the beginning rather than the middle.

_I was around the age of five when both my parents disappeared and the local authorities dropped me off at the threshold of a suspiciously-looking orphanage. I still find it hard to remember details from that period, but one thing is still crystal clear in my mind – the fear I felt the whole time. Losing both parents at that age was really stressful, as the child psychologist that came to check on me only once said. Add to that the fact that I had no memory what so ever from before the police found me wandering around an unfamiliar neighbourhood, and you can imagine just how traumatised I was. Yet the people at the orphanage turned out to be less malicious and more bored with me than I thought. Thanks to their complete disinterest I was left on my own most of the time, playing alone, reading alone or just sitting in an empty room. Until __**they**__ came. The men in the white cloaks. They claimed to be some kind of psychologists that wanted to work with three kids, to "help" them fit better into the society. By some strange whim of fate I was one of those kids. They took us from the sad-looking building in which I had spent only a handful of months and dropped us at a new fancy one. At first we were somewhat happy and excited. Until they locked us up in cages and basically turned us into their personal live lab rats. On a daily basis they injected us with strange-looking fluids and scribbled in their little notepads all the symptoms that appeared. And they were various – numbness, fainting, sudden outbursts of anger, emotional breakdowns, seizures, haemorrhage. And, eventually, death. Out of three test subjects, I was the only one that survived. And every single day I wished I hadn't. _

_Being kept under lock and key, I had no clue how long I had been there. Years were ticking by faster than I cared to notice. I wanted to die and be over with it; I was tired of the needles, of the pain, of the anger. Because after they found the perfect test bunny, they decided to keep on playing with it until it broke just like the rest. They had the strange expectation that I'd become more obedient and less hostile. Unfortunately for them I was smarter than I looked and quite the actress. With time the scientist became less cautious and gave me more freedom. When I was ten or so, I was allowed to have my own flat in the same business centre, which housed the lab. Moreover I caught up with the things I had missed for the five years and a half I had spent underground, caged. _

_Everything was calm around that period and I was left on my own for some time, as the men who used me were trying to come up with some kind of a mutagen. I didn't care. I was happy that I wasn't going back to that lab for the time being. And so the planning of a way out began. Unfortunately most of my ideas were just that – ideas. And the few attempts I made were futile. I knew I was just buying myself time, cherishing myself with false hopes of freedom and normal life. Until one day I was taken back to the laboratory kicking and screaming. Every try to run and save myself was pointless as they first dragged me them, when they saw I won't back down without a fight, drugged me. _

_The thing the scientists had made was some weird mix that included a DNA extract from a species that last walked the Earth around 10 000 years ago. The great plan was to inject me with that mutagen and see whether I'll turn into that creature, the Dire wolf, or at least acquire some of its powers. It seemed that these guys wanted a killing, blood-thirsty machine and I was the perfect candidate for the role. When they told me their master plan I burst out in laughter, stating that it won't work, that it's impossible. But I guess I was wrong. It was possible. With time symptoms started appearing and I felt different. It became a lot easier to get angry and a lot harder to keep my emotions in general in check. Things got worse when they changed the dosage and I started mutating. At first it was just faster growth of nails and hair. Then I became more physically fit, stronger, keener. The animal that had been sleeping deep in me was woken up. And things got dangerously out of hand. Both they and I knew that sooner or later the bars of my cell won't be good enough to stop me and I would break free. With each passing day I got angrier, more restless, and vengeful. Like a wild animal in a cage. Yet they believed they could tame me, use me and then kill me after the job was done. I knew I wouldn't let that happen. I wanted a normal life and I was going to have it, but regarding my new abilities, I needed to stay put and be taught how to act and keep myself together. So I stayed there, playing submissive and brainless, but every minute I had to myself, I was plotting a revenge and escape. 'When I'm ready…' I told myself every night before falling asleep. _

_And one day, seven years since they began injecting me with the Dire wolf mutagen, I woke up ready; broke the bars and set the lab on fire, destroying everything. The scientists came and tried to stop me but I killed them. I wanted the whole building to disappear alongside the monsters living and working in it, so I found the switchboard and literally destroyed it, in hopes that if not an explosion, a fire will wipe out most of the evidence of what had been done here. I wanted to disappear. And in order to achieve that I had to make them believe I was dead like all the rest. _

_The fire didn't make the whole building collapse but at least all the underground levels were gone alongside the research and the mutagen. I wanted to be sure no one will suffer the way I and my friends did. After that I ran away. Away from the city, away from people and civilization. I wanted to be alone. To be free and wild. And for some time I was – a wolf running through the forest, chasing deer and rabbits and from time to time helping humans. I realised that if I ever wanted to return I had to make sure that my human side wouldn't disappear under the animal skin. Somehow I made it – I was free and independent for two or three years. _

_In my early twenties I returned to the civilization, or more precisely – New York City. Yet I was no one – a woman without any education, without past or any personal information I might share in order to find myself a job. I was alone in the big city and somehow that frightened me a lot more than being on my own in the wild. 'Humans are more savage than beasts!' I concluded. Yet I gave it a try – I went searching for job but I was shown the door wherever I went. Grim and in despair I found a refuge underground. The old metro tunnels, no longer used, turned out to be a great place to stay. And with some additional extras it became something I could call a home. Despite that I was still penniless and had no food. The thought of eating rats crossed my mind on several occasions, but I chased it away. Time was moving slow and I barely knew what to do with it. So I trained. I tested my limits – strength, speed, senses, and flexibility. Yet that didn't make me calmer, didn't help me keep the beast within in check. In fact I was nowhere near reticent and was afraid of losing control. I was petrified of lashing out on innocent people. So I locked myself in the tunnels and prayed, for a first time in over fifteen years, that someone will help me, believing that I can be redeemed. _

_And that someone showed. I was in the middle of testing my speed and reflexes when I collided with something. I fell on my back with a loud crash and hit my head, but apart from that there was no other sound. At first I thought I had hit into a wall or probably lost my balance, but when I stood up I saw the shadow of someone. The animal in me was alarmed immediately and my fingers turned into claw, all my senses sharpening like on command. And then I saw him. Master Splinter. Well, back then I saw a huge rat dressed in some kind of a robe that was casually leaning on a staff, its huge black eyes looking at me expectantly. I'll admit that I yelped and jumped back, shocked rather than afraid. And instead of running away and leaving me or, I don't know, attacking, the rat only tilted its head and twitched its whiskers. Under any different circumstances I would have fainted._

_That's how I met Master Splinter. He took me under his wing and offered me help. At first I declined, not wanting to have any doings with a talking rat that was in many ways better than me, yet after a night spent in thinking and another emotional rollercoaster I sought him out. And that's how my education in meditation, martial arts and… well, education as whole, began. Unlike what I had imagined, Splinter was patient and kind, yet strict. There was no goofing around or whining with him. And to my own surprise I became a really good and obedient student. After the first few months I finally saw an improvement and realised that I felt calm around my Master, as if there was a cloud of peace and security around him. Eventually we started talking about different things and he even shared with me that he had four sons. At first I was speechless, wondering if he's kidding or not. Then I decided that I need some kind of interaction, and since I wasn't going anywhere near humans any time soon, I grasped the new opportunity. Seeing my genuine curiosity, Splinter started sharing some things about his boys. Like the fact that they were turtles. And that he's teaching them to be ninjas. Every day we talked for around an hour about the boys and I managed to create an image about them. _

_Everything was going great and my life was finally getting some sense and meaning. Until one day Splinter offered to come with him and meet his sons. My shit went down. I was so petrified of losing my control around them that I lost it when he told me. Eventually I ended up hiding behind an old rotting hutch. I admit I expected the old man to leave and never let me even see his tail again, but instead he laughed and told me to calm down. After a long talk we decided that I wasn't ready to meet his sons but I was ready to work and get out of the tunnels. There was some childish behaviour from my side since I was used with this place and staying away from people so I didn't want to move. Yet Splinter left no room for objection. He claimed I was ready for the world above and that I had to grasp it. _

_And so I did. A girl named April O'Neil, a close friend of Splinter and his sons, offered her help. She found me a job at a pizza restaurant and a flat only a few blocks away. To say that I was happy will be implausible. I was damn right terrified. Yet she stuck around long enough for me to get used to the whole human thing and even offered me some of her old clothes. She was the first human I talked to since my escape and in her face I found a trusted friend. With her help I took some online courses and got some education different from what Splinter had offered me. I was blessed with an amazing memory so it was a piece of cake to both work and study._

_My training and meditation sessions with Master didn't stop and every day I returned to the tunnels, spending the afternoons with him. And the more I returned to my human roots, the more I felt like an intruder. Because I was no longer one of them. I had no right to work with them, to communicate with them. I was supposed to be cursed, yet most of the time I felt blessed. The fear of changing in the middle of my shift still made me nervous, but the more I talked with both Splinter and April, the more I learned how to keep myself relaxed. _

_But Splinter hadn't forgotten his plan to introduce me to his sons, and seemed rather insistent, despite the fact that I mutated the last time he brought the subject up. And when I finally asked him why he wanted me to meet them so badly, he gave me the strangest of replies._

"_They are like you in a way," he sadly said. " Outcast and in hiding. Yet they so eagerly want to go out and see the world. But they are different, Eérine. I believe that if you meet them, it will be beneficial for all of you – they can make you feel more at ease and you can tell them things I can't. Like how you are finding your place amongst the humans. "_

_I was left amazed and speechless. We talked for a little while but eventually I left. That same night I could barely sleep. Truth was I both did and didn't want to see them. I was afraid that even after all the training, I could still lose my control and hurt them. And if I did, I was sure I'd never forgive myself. _

_The next morning I woke up with the realisation that I was having the day off, so after some chatting with April, we decided that Splinter was right – I needed to meet with someone that was different so that we could help each other. So I made April take me to their place. And she did. _

_She walked into what was their living room like it was her second home and warmly greeted Splinter. I was about to come out of my hiding place when a huge creature came from another tunnel and embraced April in a friendly hug. She called him Mikey. 'Michelangelo. The last but one son. A turtle. A mutant ninja turtle!' slowly I felt fear and anxiousness creep in me. 'Repress it! C'mon! I can do it! Just stay calm. You won't hurt him. He looks friendly!' once again I was about to enter when another one came from the same tunnel. April called him Donnie. 'Donatello. The youngest sibling. The tech-kid.' I reminded myself what both Master and April had told me about the boys. 'Ok, so the younger ones are the friendliest. I can make it!' Yet the fear was still there and my friend was already starting to look over her shoulder towards the shadows I was hiding in. 'C'mon! Don't be a pussy! DO IT!' _

_And I did it. I stepped out of the shadows and took a few cautious steps. Everyone froze. Or at least to me it seemed that way. Glancing at Master, I thought I saw him smile and nod in encouragement. April was halfway turned towards me and was smiling as well. The two six-foot turtles looked like they had even stopped breathing._

"_This is Eérine, the girl I was talking to you about." Splinter was the first to break the intense silence._

_I only managed to say a meek 'hey' before glancing at the other tunnels. 'As long as the other two don't come, I'll be fine.' And that turned out to be true. Michelangelo was the first to approach me. Instead of a hug, he offered me a handshake and a sheepish smile. Donatello was even more nervous than me and said that if someone had warned him about my arrival, he would have hidden some of the junk. I smiled at his uncertainty and found it cute. We shook our hands as well. Then we all took a seat and after offering me something to drink, April started chatting with them. I was grateful for that opportunity 'cus now I could look at them more carefully. They looked better than I had imagined. More human rather than turtle. Well, they certainly were conspicuous, with the high muscular build, the green skin and the huge shells! Yet they weren't as scary as I thought they'd be. Well, the three-finger thing freaked me out when we hand shook, but after I found myself sitting across of them, it didn't bother me. Eventually I had to take part in the conversation and before I knew it I was talking about some interesting and funny stuff and had the boys' full attention. Even Donnie, who was glued to his computer up until them sat closer to us and listened with interest what I was saying. 'Everything is going fine. You see? Nothing to be anxious about!' and that's when shit went down._

_The other two came in. The silence was almost deafening. I was with my back so I couldn't see them but the feeling I got made me bristle. Noticing my sudden change, Splinter tried to tell his sons not to make anything provocative, but it was too late. One of them landed right in front of me on the metal table that creaked pitifully. I was staring at his feet, afraid to move. _

"_Raphael!" for a first time I heard Master Splinter speak with such a warning tone._

_April dragged me out of the room, surely half-changed, so I didn't hear the conversation. It took me some time to calm down and retract my claws. After a few minutes she went back to grab our things and excuse us for the abrupt leaving. That was the plan at least. Yet I followed her after mentally scolding myself for being so weak and ill-tempered. 'How would __**you**__ have reacted if a total stranger was in your home?' So I followed my steps back to the main room, where I found April scolding the one who Master called Raphael. 'The troublesome one.' I added and after taking a deep breath went in._

"_I'm sorry for my abrupt leaving but your invasion of my personal space was rather… unexpected." I told Raphael. His bright green eyes looked me doubtfully and his larger frame loomed over me. 'He's bigger than the other two!'_

"_I don't like you." he hissed in my face and turned around, leaving me gaping._

_I was going to give him a piece of my mind but decided against it. Shaking my head I nodded at April and we left after saying good-bye, without having the 'pleasure' to meet the oldest brother. For now._


	2. Havoc

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing but the plot and my OC.

Enjoy!

~Nikkitosa

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><p>I turn the faucet and the water gradually stops, the last few drops falling on my face. 'Good times.' I muse while wrapping my body in a fluffy towel. 'It feels like a whole life-time ago. Everyone's changed so much.' Wiping the blurred mirror with my hand, I study my reflexion. The woman starring back at me looks like the girl that came out of the woods driven by great dreams and expectations; the same long snow-white hair reaching the middle of my back, the same dark eyes, even my complexion is the same rather fair shade even after all my thoroughly attempts to catch some tan. And the scar that runs right through my right eyebrow, splitting it in half. I trace the three small claw-like marks with my nails, a memory flashing before my eyes for a second before I push it away. 'I'll be late, dammit!'<p>

Rushing around my flat in order to find essentials like keys, wallet, right shoe and my bra takes more time than expected so I find myself running down the stairs, skipping three or four with one jump. Despite my best attempts I arrive five minutes late and get an angry glare from the manager while hurrying to the locker room.

After changing into my uniform I take my place behind the counter and start taking order after order of different kinds of pizzas. Not even two hours later I feel an unpleasant twisting in my stomach and bile rising to my throat. Suppressing the reflex to vomit and instead taking a small break, I exit the building through the back door, breathing in some fresh air. Or at least air free of the stench of pizza, as to me, now even the reek of trash is more pleasant.

"God, one of these days I'm gonna…" I threaten lowly and lean against the cold wall.

It's only the beginning of spring, and while the days are getting warmer, after nightfall the temperatures drop again. Thanks to my mutation, however, I don't feel the chillness of the air.

The sudden wail of police sirens disturbs the tranquillity of the night and my peaceful recreation. Moving near the brick wall that surrounds the restaurant, separating it from the playing ground on the other side, I can hear the sirens getting closer. It's a piece of cake climbing on the trash-bin and peeking on the other side. Yet the view is not that perfect so, without giving it much of a thought, I jump over the obstacle and land in the bushes on the other side.

"Dammit! Thorns! Seriously?" I whisper and get out of the spiny shrub.

Looking around I spot what is causing this racket – three policemen are surrounding something lying on the ground. After a few steps to the side I notice that it's _someone_, or at least what's left of him.

"What the hell?" I hush and kneel lower so that the officers won't notice me.

Using my heightened senses I get a better look at the body. It's a man, but just like a second ago, I find parts of him missing. After a quick examination I spot a leg and most of his guts sprawled a few meters away, a long blood-trail left behind, indicating that they were dragged there, rather than tossed. Using my sense of smell, I try finding the perpetrator and his steps. To my utter amazement, though, what I sniff is more animal than human. Just like me when I shift. 'Can it be…?' the thought itself that there can be someone out there just like me both makes me feel happy and tense. It's selfish to say that I feel nice about the fact that I'm not alone in the world, but yet this person seems to be rather hostile and aggressive. 'Such a brutal killing can't be considered as self-defence.'

I stay for a little while, memorising the scent and noting the way its bearer went. Eventually, as I return on the other side of the wall, I conclude that the man that did this rather sloppy kill is new and inexperienced with the whole mutating thing, or a killer, looking for attention. Yet, either way, something seems rather off. So I can't help but spent the rest of the night thinking about what it may be.

I managed to get only three or four hours of sleep before my phone rang and woke me up. It was April who wanted to meet, claiming that it was urgent. That was less than twenty minutes ago. Now we are sitting in a café near her place and I'm sipping my first drops of caffeine for the day in order to wake myself up and become less grumpy and angry.

"I guess you want to talk about the murder behind _Mamakoon's _from last night?" I ask after I order myself a second cup of coffee and some croissants.

"Yeah. I was going to call you last night but guessed it won't be a good idea." her blue eyes stare at me expectantly for the next minute or so before I sigh and scrats my forehead.

"There's not much to tell. I only saw the body… or what was left of it."

"And you didn't… you know…. sense the person who did this?" she seems rather disappointed after I shake my head.

"I saw the pictures from the crime scene." April starts again after the waiter serves me my second coffee and leaves. "Everyone thinks it's a wild animal."

Both her hushed tone and her posture tell me that she knows something that the press hasn't told the public.

"And you believe it wasn't?" I ask.

She shakes her head, the action making her curly hair bounce on her small shoulders.

"No. I think it was a human who _wanted_ it to look like an animal attack." she shares her thoughts with such passion and fire in her eyes, that now I see why she became a journalist in the first place.

"What makes you feel so sure it wasn't just a stray pack or something?"

She raises one of her perfectly shaped eyebrows my way and narrows her eyes.

"Fine. I may have sniffed something out." I finally admit after more than three minutes pass in complete silence, her unbreakable and merciless staring making me feel uneasy.

"Pray tell." she smirks and I roll my eyes.

"He is both."

April seems amazed and for a second doesn't actually get what I'm trying to tell her.

"Like me." I add after her confused look gets shocked.

"WHAT!?" she shouts before I manage to hush her down.

After looking around and making sure no one's watching or listening I lean over the table and tell her what I know. It's not much and it's definitely not something we can share with the media, but still we are both rather excited about it.

"So the mysterious killer that has been terrorising New York for the past week is like you?" April is both concerned and amazed.

"Wait, what?"

One thing I never managed to get used to is reading newspapers or following the news online. No matter how hard I try, I'm just disinterested and can't bring myself to waste money on a pointless piece of paper. Yet now I wish I hadn't been such a scrooge regarding my awareness. It's a good thing April is following what's going on around the vigilante, keeping a close update on all his victims that are from all layers of society – from the lowest, like the man from last night, to a CEO that was found brutally murdered, or like the press presented it – dismembered and scattered, two days ago.

"So he's a mass murderer with a strange taste for killing?"

Somehow I feel rather disappointed by the realisation that the man who is just like me, a mutant, is a psychopath. It seems that for a few blissful seconds I wished he was innocent and that it was just a big misunderstanding.

"You seem upset."

"It's nothing. Don't mind me."

Little miss journalist doesn't seem even the slightest the bit fooled by my answer but at least lets it drop. For now.

"Let's look for him!" she states and I almost spill my coffee.

"Come again? You want to seek out a mentally disabled killer?" I can't believe my ears!

"Yeah!"

"April, you do realise that he is dangerous?" I'm trying not to sound as if I doubt her mentality, but my voice surely fails me.

"So are you!" she shoots back before crossing her slender hands over her chest.

"This is madness!" I hush at her and shake my head.

"No. This is us helping local authorities by taking care of a man that's like you. Don't you get it? This is your chance to interact with someone that has passed through all the things you have! It's the perfect opportunity. And you can even help him!"

"I barely help myself." I mutter under my breath but don't dare break her day-dreaming.

Truth to be told, I thought of tracking him as well and even talking with him; maybe getting him to try and better his control over the beast within. Now, after April told me that last night wasn't his first, I want to seek him out even more. 'He is probably lost and confused just like I was.' A part of me wants to go right now, but another warns me not to be so naïve and trusting, that he may have been turned into what I was planned to be – a murderer. 'Either way I must find him. And if he's beyond redemption, then I have to stop him.'

I spend the next couple of hours sniffing around and at some point find his tracks, but eventually it all disappears. Cursing my luck I return to my flat where I make myself a cup of coffee and a sandwich.

Sipping from my still steaming cup, comfortably seated on the roof of my cooperative, I gaze at the buzzing city, full of life and movement even at this early hour, and can't help but wonder if there's place for all of us out there. I may have managed to fool the humans, blending perfectly with the crowd, but what about the boys? They are different, and not only in appearance but also with their way of thinking. They are used to helping, being of service and are even eager to make friends in their own ways. Yet I can't help but wonder how will the humans react to them? A dark image forms in my mind, one in which they are all surrounded by cops, held at gunpoint and eventually locked in laboratories to be studied. 'They'll end up where they began.' gripping my mug, I feel anger rising deep in me by the very thought that someone may dare rise a hand against the turtles.

"They won't be given a chance to socialise. Will be marked as freaks and done with."

A crashing sound makes me jump and I look at the mug, only to find it in pieces, the hot coffee dripping down my hand. 'I have grown rather fond of them after the mere thought of them being held somewhere against their will has me riled up and smashing.' a smile tugs at the corners of my lips and I stand up, examining my hand. There is not a single cut so with a sigh of relief I return to my little flat.

After the hot shower and the intense rinsing, I finally feel the stench of pizza has left me. Happy and grateful, I throw on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt; grab my sweatshirt and my backpack and leave. It's almost noon, and I'm sure that Raphael won't be trilled if I arrive late for our sparring. So, again, running down the stairs while putting on my sweatshirt I jump out on the street and head to the nearest shaft. The smell of effluent hits me in the face when I pull up the manhole cover and I pinch my nose before jumping down. Even though these drains are no longer used, as the canalisation in this part of the city was changed recently, the awful smell still manages to reach even the most remote of corners.

"You should teach me how to use them one day." I nod towards the sharp sai in Raphael's hands.

I have just arrived and found him impatiently waiting for me. I admit I'm late with five minutes or so, yet his current expression is of a person who has been waiting for over an hour.

Grunting he shakes his head and looks away as I take off my T-shirt, standing only in my sports bra and the pair of sweatpants I just put on. I raise my eyebrow at him and chuckle while pulling out my training tank top.

"Is my nakedness embarrassing you, Raph?" I playfully ask while closely watching for his reaction.

His head snaps my way and his eyes narrow dangerously, yet he stays silent. I smile and make sure my hair is tied well on a ponytail at the back of my neck.

"So are we doing this or what?"

He grunts and a sly smirk appears in the corner of his mouth. Sudden and unexpected warmness spreads through my chest. And just as suddenly I see Raph's huge fist flying towards my face. Stepping aside I manage to omit the direct contact, but despite his huge build, Raphael has some pretty good reflexes and knows how to use his impressive physic to his advantage. I follow the principle of the rule 'the bigger they are the harder they fall', yet this turtle in particular knows how to use his weight as a defence. With the correct posture he's as hard to move as a rock. Yet I don't feel the slightest bit troubled or insecure. 'Even the biggest of mountains can crumble under the pressure of the smallest rock.'

My feet separate from the ground just in time to miss his foot that clearly wanted to cut me under or at least make sure I lose my balance. Now, flying in air, I find myself unable to stop his next, obviously well-planned attack. His shoulder collides with my abdomen and sends me higher up in the air. I cough and rotate, trying to slip away, but he has jumped right up and is next to me by the time I realise what he is doing. His right hand grabs me by the leg and tosses me through the air, aiming at the nearest wall. Somehow in mid-flight I manage to regain control over my body and land safely on my feet. My lower sections pulsate in irritation but I ignore it. In no time Raphael will be on the ground so I must use my advantage to attack him while he's still falling. 'The shell and his stomach can damage my leg if I hit too hard.' I remind myself while running towards him. I reach just in time and rather than aiming for his defences, I hit where I know it will hurt – inner thigh. Or at least that's what I wanted to do. He catches my leg with such force that pain shoots up my tight and to my spine. Hissing I try to pull away, but he's not letting go. Guessing what's coming next I use my other leg to push my body up and my knee plants itself hard right in the juncture of his neck. Raph immediately releases me and I stumble away, my legs wobbly and unstable. 'Dammit!'

After I'm sure there's a considerable distance between us I give him an examining look. He's facing me and there's irritation and anger written all over his face, but by the way he's clutching to the place I hit him, I know he's in pain. And yet none of us is willing to give up. So I push the sudden worry away and focus of his movements.

"Are we finally getting serious?" I ask as I see him pulling out his blades.

"Like hell." his voice rumbles in the vast space and I smirk, letting my eyes change colour, giving me a better sight.

What seems like hours later we are both panting and covered in sweat and dried blood. That's the thing I like most about training with Raphael – he doesn't treat me like a girl, but as an opponent. He's not going lightly on me just because I'm around two heads shorter than him and, let's face it, I seem like a frail twig compared to his heavily build body. After we heat up he gets serious and I appreciate it. Yet, the thing I _don't_ appreciate is that whenever he sees me pulling back, not letting my more beastly side show, he starts mocking and challenging me, trying to get me to snap.

"You are holding yourself back? Afraid you ain't strong enough?"

You see? It's hard for someone with my temper, who can be fired up easily when it comes to personal fear and weakness, not to bite the bait and charge at him all beast. I'm somewhat flattered that he wants to make sure I can control my other side and that even if I fail, I'll manage to save myself without going completely rampage. The thing I hate is that he pushes me over my limit around _himself_. As good as I have become with controlling my inner demons, I'm still rather reserved when it comes to touchy subjects. And I have told Raph multiply times to stop trying to test if his shell is thick enough. Yet he keeps on doing it.

"Shut up." I hiss and try to calm myself down and not give in.

"C'mon, sugar. Show some claws and fur. Or are you really worrying I might break ya?" his voice, all pity and ridicule, both enrage and saddens me.

Gritting my teeth, I feel them sharper and longer, a clear sign that I'm heading down the bumpy and wild road. 'Don't give him the power to manipulate you!'

"You don't need worry. I ain't gonna hurt ya."

"I won't do it. I won't give you the satisfaction!" I hiss and repeatedly clench and unclench my fists, trying to retract the claws.

When I'm sure my beast mode is safely pushed away I sigh with relief and glare at the turtle that's now scoffing at me.

"You are unbelievable!" I shake my head and turn my back to him, grab my backpack and leave the training room.

Halfway down the tunnel I realise I forgot my sweatshirt on one of the tables. Cursing under my breath I turn around and follow my steps back. Only to find that Raphael is still there, talking with Splinter.

"She's right." the old man states with calm voice.

"She ain't! She's too weak." Raphael growls while restlessly pacing around.

I furrow my eyebrows and kneel lower in the shadows.

"You are being too rough on her. She's still learning, as are you." Master doesn't seem even the slightest bit moved by what his son said about me and that leaves a feeling of silent betrayal picking at my restless soul.

"She ain't progressing! Ain't giving all she got! This is not child's play, Mater, and you know it!" his hissed shouting and the obvious irritation turn that numb feeling of betrayal into a searing pain.

"Give her time." again the same plea.

This time his son stays silent for a couple of seconds, as if thinking the suggestion through.

"I already gave her enough time. If she ain't willing to take this seriously then I have no doing with her _kind_." he spat the last word.

The effect of his words wouldn't have been so great even if they were shouted, even in my face. Yet he whispered them.

The arrow hits its target with such great force that involuntarily I bump into an old can, the ringing sound echoing in the darkness. I turn around, not minding the shouts that come from behind, and run as fast as I can towards the exit. The way out of here. The pain in my chest is too fierce and ripping that despite my best attempts, all my reflexes and senses are somehow blurred and dulled. It's not a surprise I end up crashing into someone and fall back.

At least Leonardo's reflexes aren't being uncooperative, so he catches me around the waist before I fall on my ass. With my hands on his plastron I try to push him away, yet I'm still dizzy and I barely put some force.

"Hey, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" his concerned voice and the gentle wiping of the traitorous tears off of my face catches me off-guard.

"Eérine!"

"Eérine?" Leo is getting even more concern after he hears his brother and Master's shouts coming closer.

"I need to go.." I whisper.

I vaguely realise that we're about to make a scene so I once again try to push Leonardo away, but his hands don't loosen up their hold. After spearing the tunnel a brief glance, his attention returns to me.

"Tell me what happened. Please. Don't leave upset like this." he tries to sooth me but I shake my head.

"Please." I beg and another tear escapes.

Shocked by my plea and the sudden show of sadness, he grudgingly lets me go. But it's too late. Master is right in front of us and Raphael follows close behind. And as if that's not enough, with the corner of my eye I stop Donnie peeking over his computer and Mikey looking at us worriedly, his videogame forgotten.

"Eérine, let me explain." Master Splinter's voice is filled with worry yet I disregard those emotions and try to turn around and leave.

"Are ya cowering away, Eérine?"

I stop dead in my track, the air around me suddenly completely gone. Shutting my eyes and sending silent prayers, I try not to burst from all the emotions that swirl in me at the moment. Due to that momentary shutting off of the world around me, I miss some of the things that are said. Yet I catch Leonardo shouting at his brother that he's an ass. Under different circumstances I'd have rolled my eyes and told them to take their racket elsewhere. Now I find myself completely agreeing with the oldest.

"This has nothing to do with you, Leo. So shut up!"

They are all getting angrier by the second and I feel something in me bending dangerously with every cruel word that leaves Raphael's mouth.

"She's weak! That's what I said! That's she's fucking worthless!" the shout echoes in the suddenly quiet room, and I feel the vibrations dancing over my skin.

"You mistake my unwillingness to hurt you with weakness, Raphael." I say, after I turn around, my face emotionless and my voice a still whisper. "And that's your biggest mistake."

Before I know it that thing in me snaps and the worlds blurs.

By the time it all clears out, Raphael is lying on his back in the other end of the room, a huge gaping hole left on the wall, where he collided with it. He's not moving and for a second worry clenches my heart as well as regret. Yet I grit my teeth, take a deep breath and turn around to leave.

"I'm sorry…" the low whisper is engulfed by Raphael's name being shouted out by his brothers.

Earlier the next morning, after a long and sleepless night filled with nightmares and worry, a loud banging on my door chases away the last pitiful remains of dizziness. Standing up from the chair I was currently seating in, I stride down past the living room and through the small corridor, my feet literally dragging along the carpet while in the meantime the banging doesn't cease.

"Dammit! I'm coming!" I yell and unlock the door, flinging it open.

Only to see one very furious April tapping her foot impatiently and giving me a bad look.

"You could have killed him!" she shouts and walks past me.

I grunt and roll my eyes, kicking the door closed and dragging my tired body back to the kitchen.

"It's nice to see you too, April." I interrupt her rant, mainly consisting of accusations.

She only gives me her _are-you-fucking-kidding-with-me_ look and returns to making her coffee, while continuing to squabble.

"It's not I'm defending him, 'Rine, because I'm not. Raphael can easily drive people nuts, but God, must you throw him across the room so fiercely?" she finally takes a seat and her huge blue eyes stare at me worryingly.

"Aren't you supposed to hear my part of the story before pronouncing the final verdict?" I mumble and take a sip of my own hot dose of caffeine, before running my hand through my sloppily tied snowy locks.

"Well, technically, yeah. But he's the bandaged one, who was unconscious the whole night."

My heart literally misses a few beats and I drop my cup, spilling the last remainings of my coffee.

"What?" my throat is suddenly dry and thorny, so my question comes as a pained hiss.

"Don't worry. He's fine." she quickly tries to calm me down. "I said it to see how you would react. God, you paled. I'm sorry. It was a bad idea. He's fine. He was out for an hour or two, but now is fine." she rambles while absorbing the small puddle with a napkin.

"That was a bad joke." my raspy voice reminds me that I'm in an urgent need of water.

"I'm sorry." she repeats and goes to make me another coffee. "Anyway, you look rather beaten up. Care to tell me your side of the story?"

"So now you want to hear it!" I mock her and smile.

She pouts and gives me an apologetic look.

"I'm sorry! It's not every day I get an urgent call from Donnie, telling me to bring them some first aid-kit stuff. When I got there it was all one big mess. Leonardo was yelling, Mickey was trying to keep him from jumping on Raphael, who was sitting on the couch covered in dust and blood. You have punched him pretty well, by the way. He seemed a little bit shaken."

I puff and roll my eyes. April and her sudden swings of mood.

"Still I can't fathom what he did this time that riled you up so bad."

"He hit me right where it hurts." I whisper.

My friend pales and sits right in front of me, her mouth gaping open.

"He _hit_ you!?"she sounds so amazed that I give her a small smile.

"No. Not physically." I reassure her.

"You know that he doesn't mean half the things that come out of his mouth, right? He just likes messing with people. And you've been a challenge. That's why he's being rather rude lately. Trying to get under your skin and all…"

"No, he meant it. The way he said it… it was not a joke." I shake my head sadly and tell her in brief what happened.

After I'm done she seems to be in a short- duration denial before she starts pacing around and fuming, treating to give Raphael a piece of her mind when we go see them.

"I'm not going back there." I cut her and stand up, heading to the sink.

"What do you mean you are not going back?! You deserve an explanation! What he said was damn rude and spiteful! God, _I_ even feel insulated! He has no right to speak that way!" she stomps her foot to emphasize her point.

"You don't get it." I whisper and rub my face, exhaustion finally starting to catch up on me.

"Then explain it to me, 'cus I ain't leaving!"

A tired sigh skips past my lips and my shoulders slump in defeat.

"I can't go there and look them in the faces, April! I freaking hit their _brother_ and knocked him out! That's why I never wanted to meet them in the first place! I fucking _knew_ that shit will happen when I get too attached to someone!"

"Don't be so hard on yourself." our voices are now completely inversely proportional in height.

I'm basically shouting, my voice unsteady and rasp, while she speaks calmly, slowly, as if trying to sooth and injured animal. 'At the end of the day, no matter how much I try to persuade myself to believe in the opposite, that's what I am – an animal.' the low degraded whisper echoes in my head but I ignore it, fearing that if I fall into depression right now, too many things will stay unresolved.

"I _hit_ him! I fucking lost it there, April! Don't cha get it!? I snapped like a _fucking_ twig and threw all my hard work out of the window! Just like that!" and I snap my fingers.

"Don't say that! He pushed you past your limit and he knew it! He knew the risk from the beginning. They all know it."

"I can't face them. Not after this. I can barely stand myself now." gradually my voice loses its volumes and I feel sick to the bone. "And you know what the worst part is? That he was right up to a point – I am worthless."

The brunette is about to contradict but I give her a sad smile and tilt my head towards the window.

"After all, who needs a broken weapon?"

A pregnant silence settles and I decide it's best if I go get some sleep.

"Rest and then we'll talk. You need to fix all this if not for them then for yourself. You inner peace is all that matters." softly reassures me April before closing the door to my bedroom and eventually leaving.

Yet sleep, despite my tiredness, is nowhere near close and I toss under the cool sheets, the image of Leonardo's worried and concerned face as well as Raphael's injured body not letting me close my eyelids and fall into slumber. Atop of that I can only imagine what Master Splinter's reaction might be if I go back into the tunnels. A sudden scenario of one hella' of an angry rat throwing knives at me plays in my head, making my body grow cold. Shaking it away from my head, I put all my remaining energy into keeping my mind a complete void. And I succeed for a couple of minutes before low whispers break the peace and tranquillity. Before I know it my consciousness fails me and I'm engulfed into another nightmare with worried voices and dark, sinister words.

The sound of my phone ringing brings me back to reality, thankfully, but I'm still shaken up. Fiddling with covers for some time, I manage to untangle my feet and reach the phone before the caller gives up.

"Hello?" my voice is still sleepy and I try to clear my throat.

"Hey, Eérine, it's me – April. I hope I didn't wake you up?" the noise coming from the other end of the line tells me that she's somewhere in a crowded space. 'Journalists.'

"No. It's ok. Where are you? Why is it so n- Is that police sirens? Where are you?"

There are some mumbled voices, but I can't catch what they are saying exactly.

"I'm in Upper Manhattan. Near the Montefiore Square? You'll see the flashing lights." with that she hangs up.

As usual I run around, searching for my things, after taking a quick shower and throwing some clothes on. Since I have neither the time nor the nerve to call a cab and wait for it, I take a shortcut and sprint as fast as I can, not minding what the passers-by may think of a blurry figure almost running them over. After ten or so minutes I reach the square, panting and puffing, but at least there on time. And like April said – I need to only follow the lights and the sirens. The place is packed with cops, and as I try to squeeze my way between the curious masses and the police cars, all I can think about is 'Not the boys! God, just not the boys.'

To my utter relief, it's not the turtles' sudden appearance that puddled the water in Upper Manhattan. It is another brutal murder. I somehow manage to spot April on the other side of the yellow line and wave at her, in order to catch her attention. She rushes my way, tells one of the cops that I'm with her and drags me in.

"It's-" she begins but I cut her off.

"Another brutal murder. " I nod towards the dead man, lying on the street, drowned in his own blood.

Unlike the other victims, he has all his limbs intact, except for one. Furrowing my eyebrows I nod towards the hole, gapping where the corpse's genitals used to be.

"That seems personal."

"Yeah, but the removing of a limb and the grotesqueness of the scene are the same. It's your guy."

"He's not _my_ guy!"

"You know what I meant!" she justifies before looking at the disabled body once again.

'Here goes nothing.' I muse as I close my eyes and let my inner wolf come forward. Suddenly everything around me sharpens – the sound of all the people shouting and the sirens of both the police cars and the ambulance that just came, the sense of so many people pressing forward, the taste of stiff and polluted air on my tongue, and finally the smell. It stinks of pee, shit, rubbish, unwashed bodies and exhausted fumes. And over this strong mixture of unpleasant reeks, I demarcate the fresh scent of blood and something else. Something wild and dangerous, yet tantalizing. Masculinity mixed with sweat and soap. The smell of a dominant alpha male. The smell of the killer.

My eyes snap open and I stumble backwards, overwhelmed.

"You ok? Found anything?" April manages to catch my elbow, thus preventing me from tripping and falling.

"Yeah. I sniffed him. The same guy." I confirm and rub my face, my skin suddenly quite sensitive and itchy.

"So let's go find him!"

"We?" I ask amazed. "Who said anything about 'we'? I'm going. You stay here, where it's safe."

"No way. You'll need my help." she tries to press, but I'm unyielding.

"He just killed and is probably in his other form. Do you think it's wise of you to be anywhere near him now?" I whisper at her after I sense someone passing right behind me.

Peeking from over my shoulder I see it's a cop and he has no intention to move any time soon. Cursing under my breath I grab April by the upper arm and lead her further away, into a deserted back alley.

"Look, April. I know you want to help, believe me I do, but I can't let you even _breathe_ around a mass murderer, unprotected. And I'm not whole mighty – I can't be talking to him and watching you at the same time."

She frowns and crosses her arms over her chest. I sigh and try to plead her to listen to me with my eyes. We stare at each other for what seems like a minute before he groans and nods.

"Fine. But keep me updated!" I only nod and she leaves.

After making sure she's far away I turn around and once again close my eyes and focus. The scent appears immediately and I follow the trail carefully, trying not to miss a turn or a jump.

Eventually, after at least twenty minutes of following his trails, I reach the place the other mutant stopped. A cold shiver runs up and down my spine as I take in the building. 'You must be fucking kidding with me!' It's the same fancy one in which I was led into over fifteen years ago; the same hell-hole, just a little bit deserted and crumbling. 'This will be fun.' I ironically muse and after taking a deep breath and sending April a quick message, I enter the old dusty business centre. The trail leads up the stairs and with a resigned sigh I start climbing up, hoping that this old pile of rubbish won't crumble down under my feet, bringing me along with it. 'Well, I didn't die 15 years ago. The building has a second chance now. God, I'll roll in my grave if I become food for the worms _here_!'


	3. My wolf and I

DISCLAIMER: As usual I own only the plot and my OC.

Enjoy!

~Nikkitosa

* * *

><p>As I sneak further up the staircase, I try not to let my thoughts wander around, replaying old images in my mind, but somehow I manage to fail. The higher I get, the more paranoid I feel. Strange sounds, like kicked rocks, the creek of a door, the flutter of wings, signalizing that a frightened bird just flew off, make me jump every once in a while or freeze on the spot, holding my breath and praying that the men in the white cloaks won't come from behind the corner. My senses are telling me it's just my imagination that the other mutant is somewhere higher up in the building, yet the traumatised kid in me quivers every time a random sound reaches my ears. 'This can't keep up, dammit! I must focus and stay calm! What use if I'm even more frightened than him?' as usual the scolding does its job and magically all the strange sounds vanish. Cautiously I keep on ascending, all the meanwhile trying not to push or bump into something noisy. At a few places the staircase was missing, obviously crumbled down under the influence of external factors, so I had to jump. Thanks to all the training I've been through, I land gracefully and soundlessly.<p>

The trail ends on the top floor, where the small apartments used to be. The once squeaky clean tiles are now either missing, or covered in thick layer of dust or dirt. The holes in the walls from where a huge pieces have grumbled down during the years the building has been abandoned, let in some whisks of fresh air every once in a while. Stepping cautiously further into the storey, I spot trails in the dust. I follow them without forgetting to look around every once in a while, not really wanting something to jump on my back. As I forge forward the clear animal prints, the living proof that I'm dealing with some kind of a big cat, suddenly disappear. A few feet away the trail reappears, just this time in the form of human footprints. It's crucial, in moments like this one, when you can still say 'fuck it' and leave, to weighted the options. If I leave now, I may never be able to catch him again. Yet if I stay, I may find myself in a sticky situation as my body is still feeling weak and shaken up. 'The sudden flow of wolf-adrenaline probably does that to people.'

As usual, I decide to play with fire and just hope that _this_ time I won't get burned. Emerging ever so quietly into the room the trail leads to, I stop dead in my track, my mouth sure gaping open like a fish. The space I enter is empty save for a little old, almost falling apart sofa, in which a man no older than me is sitting patiently, his legs crossed casually, obviously waiting for me as our gazes meet when I peek in.

"It was about time." he whispers.

I can say he's taller than me even in his current sitting position. His hair is the colour of the moonless sky – deep, almost abysmal, dark. His porcelain skin, paler than it should be, makes the two obsidian eyes, those voids, stand out even more. The clothes he's currently wearing are also black – black tee shirt, black pair of jeans. He's barefooted as well, his soles covered in something gooey and red. Seconds later I realise it is blood.

"You knew I was coming?" with a calm and friendly voice I take a step closer.

His reaction is immediate, jumping back further away and baring his sharp teeth at me.

"Chill. I get it." I raise my hands as if admitting defeat and move back.

He growls, as if warning me to not make a second attempt, and I nod in understanding before he takes his place back on the couch. The old furniture makes a squeaky sound.

"I'm Eérine. I came to talk." I try again, while leaning against the wall.

"About?" he barks back.

Trying not to pay attention to the tone and the impolite way of speaking, I keep on being nice and at the same time wondering how am I supposed to approach him without scarring him off.

"You."

"I don't need to talk." he grumbles and I raise my eyebrow his way, not being able to help myself.

"No? Then what about the blood on your feet? Where did it come from?" I nod towards his bared soles and he immediately tries to hide them.

The act seems so familiar and simple, yet I can't say of what or who it reminds me. Pushing the meaningless thought away I look around and finally spot the cage positioned in the other end of the room.

"I seriously hope you ain't locking yourself in that thing." I try again.

This time I get somewhat of a response. He shakes his head and I breathe a sigh of relief.

"Good. 'Cus it won't do you any good if you keep yourself in there."

"Why?" the question is whispered so lowly, almost murmured, as if he's afraid to ask.

And then it hits me – the posture, with his whole body coiled and his limbs hidden, the head bend slightly forward, the huge eyes following my every move. And then the mood changes typical for a PMS-ing woman. 'He acts like a scared kid.' and as if my eyes have been opened, I see him in a new light - not a grown man, a mass murderer, but a scared child, that was left alone with a huge burden on his shoulders that he doesn't even know how to work with.

"There's no need to be afraid of me. I'm not here to hurt you. I just wanna help you." my voice becomes even calmer, a warmth engulfing each word.

"I don't need your help!" he hisses and hugs his legs closer to his chest.

I nod and look around the room once again, buying myself time to figure out a way with him. 'He's obviously confused. And what have they done to him? He's at least 20 and acts like a little kid?' pity takes root in my heart and when my eyes stop on him once more, a plan has formed in my mind.

"It is a good thing you don't trust random strangers, you know. I don't as well. But you can trust me."

He tilts his head, as if examining me, probably searching for some trace of falsehood. Instead I let my wolf side come forward and the specific smell that usually surrounds me, not the one of a wet dog, praise the Lord, but of a female wolf, engulf me now. His eyes widen and look for mine. Dark radiant black clashes with blazing yellow before mine change back to their usual dark-brown hue.

"You are…" he's speechless, obviously not believing his own eyes.

"Just like you – a mutant." I add and smile encouragingly.

An hour or so later I'm sitting in one end of the couch while he sits in the other and we talk; mainly he asks questions and I answer as much as I can, without revealing anything about the turtles. He seems amazed as his eyes are literally shining, a small smile playing on his lips. A sudden vibration interrupts our conversation and I frown for a few seconds before realising that the strange sound comes from my phone. When I pull it out of my pocket I see a few missed calls, a few text messages and one voice-mail all from April.

"Mind if I make a call?" I ask while standing up.

Jackal, this is his name, just nods.

I walk out of the room and into the corridor, mentally noting that the sun has started to set. 'It seems more than an hour has passed.' I muse before calling the insistent brunette.

"Hey, April. What's up?"

"What's up? You said you found him five hours ago and never called back, that's what! What happened?!" she seems pretty furious and I mentally slap myself.

"It's all fine. We were just talking and I lost sense of time, that's all." I quickly reply before another wave of scolding follows.

"You know how worried I was?! I even got Donatello to track your phone!"

"You did _what_?!" I don't know how to react. Should I be furious that she went _there_? Or pleased that she's so concerned for my well-being?

"You never returned any of my calls or messages…"

"And you what? Decided to go to them for help? Now? After everything that's happened? After everything I _told_ you? April, are you out of your freaking mind?" the more I talk the angrier I get, but for Jackal's sake I take a few deep gulps of breath and cool my boiling nerves.

"What was I supposed to do? He's a mass murderer! I got worried!" she seems, indeed, worried and upset, and now I feel like a bitch.

Scratching my head while pacing around, I spent the next minute or two apologizing and telling her to calm down. Eventually she's cooled enough to tell me she is still there, but at least I'm not on speaker. 'Well, it's no point since they have heightened senses as well…' I roll my eyes, but since April doesn't seem to know that little fact about them, I don't get mad.

"It's fine. Just go home and rest." I'm about to hang up when a sudden tapping sound reaches my ears.

It's soft and delicate, almost impossible to hear or tell where it comes from. Even the touch of a feather is not this soft. Right after it fades another one appears, this time closer. Out of the blue all my senses go wild and I turn around, only to be met with a pair of glowing yellow eyes.

I yelp and jump away, missing by millimetres Jackal's sharp claws that were going to easily cut me in half. Adrenalin rushes through my system and thanks to it I manage to move away in time again, yet my luck runs low, as well as my energy. With a hard push, Jackal sends me through the wall and into the other room. I cough and try to push myself up, but sudden hard pressure on my back has me pinned down. Managing to turn my head enough to look him in the eyes, I see they have returned to their usual black colour, but the face of the frightened boy, who told me his life story not even ten minutes ago, is nowhere to be found. I pant and give a light push, put he pins me down even harder, knocking the air out of my lungs.

"W-why are you doing this?" I manage to whisper while fighting for my breath under his merciless hold.

"I'm rather disappointed with you. They told me you are a lot smarter and that it would be a challenge to catch you. Yet you came to my door willingly!" a dark smirk pulls at his face and a sickening feeling rises in me.

"Who sent you? Why?" I rasp weakly.

His cold deprived of all joy laugh echoes in the now creepily silent building. I wriggle underneath his foot once again but to no luck.

"Who? The men who created me. Why? To make sure I fix _all_ of their mistakes." the way he whispered the word 'all' right into my ear, and the way his knee now digs painfully in my spine as he's kneeling next to me, makes the hairs on my back stand up.

"All? I was the only one who survived the experiment!" it's a weak attempt judging by the mocking look on his face, but I'm not going to betray the brothers.

"Oh, c'mon! I'm sure you've seen them – six-foot tall. Green skin. Supposedly turtles. This ringing any bells in you little head?" the pressure increases after each sentence, almost making me moan out of pain.

"I don't know what cha talking 'bout!" I spit the words, blood dripping from my mouth. 'Perfect timing to bite myself!'

Suddenly I'm lifted off the ground by the throat, his larger hands easily handling my weight. He applies some pressure, and even though I find it hard to breathe and impossible to break free, not a single word leaves my mouth.

"I know you know where they are. So tell me, and I'll let you live." his tone is sugar-coated, obviously trying to play the nice card again.

'He'll kill them. I must warn them!' those are the only thoughts that swirl in my mind and suddenly a plan forms. Swinging my left leg, I manage to inflict the perfect blow in his groin, after which he howls in pain and lets me go. Landing on my feet I run out of the room immediately, all the while calling April. She picks up after the third ring.

"What's wrong? You disc-"

"He's after them. Warn them. Hur-"

I don't even manage to finish as something crashes into me with such force that I fall on my face, the phone sliding down the corridor. I turn around and start kicking, hoping that a lucky blow will push him away, giving me enough time to flee. Unfortunately all my luck seems to be gone and he catches my leg, twisting it painfully. I yell and, in a moment of both fear and anger, grab the first thing I manage to lay my hands on and throw it his way. It's a small piece of crumbled wall but it does its job and Jackal lets go of my leg in order to duck. Before I even manage to get on my feet he has me by the hair and throws me back across the corridor. I hit the ground with a loud thud and once again am left breathless. He uses his advantage instantly and is on top of me in no time.

"You little feisty bitch!" and then a sudden slap across the face snaps my head to the side, blood dripping down my nose.

'Never back down without a fight!' I hear Master's words in my head and make a last attempt to land a blow. Or, in this case, a claw. My left hand manages to break free from his grasp and I use this little freedom to claw at his face. He tries to catch me but I wriggle underneath him and manage to throw him aside. He grabs hold of my shirt but with a quick slash the garment is no longer on me. Running back down the corridor, I manage to reach the end of it before he trips me and I see the stairs coming closer to my face.

Rolling down, I feel pain coursing through my whole body. By the time I stop, I'm almost sure that I have something broken. My lids are heavy but they open. My vision, consisting of blurry and dark spots, manages to somehow focus a figure descending calmly down the staircase. Tiredness befalls upon me and my eyes close, but I can at least hear him. Jackal stops right next to me. For some time he is quiet before he buries his hand in my hair. Pulling sharply, a yelp skips past my swollen lips before I choke on my own blood.

"I'll tell your turtle friends you said 'hi'." the low whisper in my ear manages to send shivers down my spine and, were I in any stage to do something, I'd have bit his tongue out, so that his dirty lying mouth would never come in use.

Unfortunately I'm beaten up and probably dying, so I do the only thing a person who descended a few flours with rolling and hitting her head can possibly do. I faint, letting darkness consume me and dull the pain.

*/*/*

Silence. Eternal, blissful nothingness. No fearsome nightmares. No traitorous heart. No turtles. No shame. No fear. No love. Nothing. Like a leaf blown by the gentle wind, I fly through this void, feeling lighter than a cloud. There are no emotions to disturb my inner peace and tranquillity. No haphazard thoughts or constant rethinking of actions. The parcel need to be always in control, of myself, of the situation, of my beast, is gone. Vanished. No emotions to pull and tug at me. Freedom runs through my veins and calmness oozes from my pores. And then a single sound, so delicate yet clear, disturbs abruptly the silence. Suddenly, as if everything around me is a made of water, I see a drop, the perfect and purest drop, descend from the nothingness and fall gracefully back into it. The dripping sound seems to be the only thing to puddle the water. A slight frown graces my features. 'Dripping water. Why is it dripping? From where?'

Drip…. Drip…. Drip…. Drip….

And then, as if someone switched the lights on, the nothingness around me takes the shape of an old full-length mirror and some figures appear in it. They seem strange, different, out of this world even, yet deeply familiar. A sudden pull in my chest tells me I know them. The picture is black and white, not very good or clear, but tempted to understand what's going on, I touch the surface and it sucks me in.

_I'm in the lair. It smells as it always does – of water and candles, of men, of sweat, of pizza and of life. My eyes snap open and, indeed, I'm underground. Looking around the deserted room, I wonder why I am here, of all places. What is my subconsciousness trying to tell me? Then I hear it. The same dripping sound. It comes from one of the tunnels and I follow it, too curious to be suspicious. _

_I end up in the dojo. I have never been here, as it is a female-free zone, yet I'm sure I'm right. It's dark in here, apart from a single ray of sunshine coming somewhere from above. Under the light, in the middle of the room, there's something sitting with its back at me. Tiptoeing, I near it, trying not to scare it away. Suddenly it's gone. I look around, but there's no one. The hairs on my back stand up and I spin around, only to be met with the end of a sharp blade. __**The katana**__. _

"_Who are you?" a soft, yet stern voice asks me._

_I look up from the weapon only to see the huge, looming figure of a creature unknown to me, yet dearly familiar. Its deep blue eyes, highlighted by the blue bandana, stare at me doubtfully before looking me up and down._

"_I… I don't know." my voice is barely a whisper and sudden cold fear grasps me. 'Who am I?'_

_The creature scoffs and looks at me dangerously, calculatingly. Then it lowers the katana and gives me an awaiting look._

"_And who are you?" I ask, guessing that's what I'm supposed to do._

"_I'm Leonardo." the simple reply makes me smile. _

"_Do I know you?" _

_He smiles sadly and nods. Then he steps away and starts retreating in the shadows. _

"_Wait! Who are you? Please! Tell me! Who am I? Don't leave me alone!" _

_He stops right at the edge, dividing here from there, now from then, and turns around. _

"_Do you really want to know?" _

_He seems tired, defeated, yet awaits my answer with badly hidden hope. I just nod. That seems to make him feel better and he smiles._

"_I'm someone you care about deeply. That's why you see me. I personalize an integral part of you."_

"_Then why I have no memory of you?" _

"_You are someone who takes up too much responsibility and can't face the fact that when your hands are full, you'll eventually fall." he continues, as if not heard my other question._

"_How is that you seem so familiar yet I don't know who you are?" I keep on pressing and the sad look returns to Leonardo's face._

"_Because you don't want to." his reply if filled with sorrow and hints of betrayal._

"_I don't believe you!" _

"_Do you?" his eyes are now shining and I find myself almost hypnotised._

"_I know I care for you deeply, I can feel it, but then how could I have forgotten you?"_

_He sighs defeated, or annoyed, and rubs his face with his large hand. The three huge fingers grab my attention and I notice how my heart accelerates. But that's not fear or disgust._

"_You didn't. You just fell. And now you don't want to get up, to remember who you are." _

"_Can… can you help me remember?" my voice quivers as I stand there, so little and powerless, in front of this man, who seems to be holding such great power over me._

"_You have to do it yourself." his voice is yet again filled with sadness, mixed with deep longing._

_I bow my head and look at the floor. Little cracks are appearing and something tells me that my time is up. _

"_I want to remember you. All of it!" I suddenly exclaim and look up at Leonardo who is now halfway in the darkness._

_Stopping again he turns around to look at me, his face a mixture of amazement and hope. Then the previous poker face returns and he nods towards me._

"_Are you sure you want this?" I only nod._

_With a clear swift motion he pulls his katana out of its case and examines the blade. A small smile curls his lips before he throws it at me with such precision that for a second I thought it will stab me. Somehow, though, I catch it and expect the shining blade. On both sides are written words that seem to be changing their places. __Leader __on the one, and __Servant__ on the other. Before I manage to question Leonardo about their meaning he's gone and I'm alone. The place begins to shake, the floor cracks and as this place starts collapsing into the void it came from, I can hear words ringing in my head. "Forgive yourself first, before trying to forgive others."_

_I'm thrown into another room harshly, so I stumble back and fall on my ass, the katana hitting the floor with a ringing noise. Quickly jumping on my feet and retracting the weapon, I then dare look around. 'The gym.' my subconsciousness whispers and different training equipment appears from the darkness. On one of the benches a huge figure does some weight lifting. For a second or two, I just stay there and watch as at least two thousand pounds, if not more, are being pushed up and down as if they are nothing._

_Suddenly the rod is left on the special hangers and the figure rises. Again, just like with Leonardo, my heart starts pounding, and a feeling that I know this guy strikes me. He takes a few long gulps of his water, wipes the sweat off of his face and looks at me rather annoyed. Unconsciously taking a step back, I find myself pressed against another bench._

"_Wanna train, sugar?" he asks me, the serious tone of his voice not matching with the playfulness in his green eyes._

_Somehow I manage to nod and all the equipment vanishes into thin air. We are in the middle of a large stony room. I look around but spot nothing except stone and darkness. Gripping the katana for support I turn my attention back to the man in front of me._

"_Who are you?" my voice is a little bit more confident and I mentally pat myself on the back._

" _Raphael." again a simple replay, as if this should ring a bell._

"_And who am I?" I hear myself asking._

_He just scoffs and cracks his neck. My eyes widen at that intimidating sound and my body grows cold. _

"_You not know?" I shake my head and he cracks his knuckles next, making all the blood draining out of my face at the very sight of his huge frame so close to me, obviously preparing for a fight. _

"_Then, sugar, ya about to find out." that sounds more like a threat rather than a statement and I take a defensive position._

"_I do not know you. I won't fight." I grit my teeth at how weak my voice sounds again. _

_The katana in my hand seems to heathen up and I spare it a quick glance. The word __Servant __is now shining and that tells me things are heading in the wrong direction._

"_You don't fight – you die. Simple 's dat." he says and his eyes suddenly grow cold. _

"_What am I supposed to do?" I ask as he starts taking long strides my way._

"_Fight." is his simple reply and suddenly something sharp flies towards my face. _

_The katana manages to block the attack and I get a glimpse at the two sais in his hands. Panting and almost tripping over my own feet, I'm soon left defenceless as my only weapon is tossed aside. Backing away, I realise I'm at the point of bursting into tears. Raphael raises his hand, obviously about to deal the final blow, and my heart falls to my stomach._

"_Don't kill me. Please." the plea echoes in the vast space and the dangerous sai stops a few centimetres away from my face._

"_Then fight and live."_

"_I can't. I don't know how." he seems to not believe me and the weapon is once again raised for the final blow._

"_I'm weak." I whisper in defeat, admitting just how miserable I am._

"_No ya ain't. You're just scared, that's all."_

"_Then how?" I look up at him, searching for an answer in his bright green eyes. _

"_You know how." he simply states and backs away._

"_No. Wait! I don't know! Tell me! I'm lost, please!" I shout after him, hoping that at least he'll tell me something about me._

"_Let it out."_

"_What?" I'm shocked at what he said._

"_Let. It. Out. You sure you ain't blonde? 'Cus ya acting like a blonde." I don't know what I find more insulting – talking to me as if I'm a child or the fact that he just questioned my intelligence._

"_Listen here, you six-foot full of yourself asshole! I don't know who you think you are, but you don't know me! So don't dare judge me! You either help me or fuck off!" my voice rises drastically and turns to a growl._

_Raphael only smirks and suddenly all the anger is gone. Fuming and panting, I cross my hands over my chest and tap my foot._

"_Fine. I'll tell you who you are." to say that I feel utterly pleased with myself will be an understatement._

"_I'm listening."_

"_You are someone you don't want to be. You don't embrace your true self but rather keep it under lock and key, too afraid that it will overtake you rather than the other way 'round."_

"_What's that supposed to mean?" I hiss in annoyance, not really getting what he's trying to tell me._

_He just smirks and nods towards something behind me. Turning around, I literally jump back, too afraid to even shout. Right in front of me, behind huge thick iron bars, paces a creature, far bigger than a wolf, with silver fur and glowing yellow eyes._

"_What is this thing?!" I shriek, backing away from it and its piercing eyes._

"_That's you. Your other half. Your worst fear." whispers Raphael in my ear and places one of his big hands on my shoulder._

_The wolf growls, its eyes flashing and suddenly throws itself against the bars, howling and roaring, trying to break free. I want to run, as this horrific scene makes my blood both run hot and cold at the same time. The beast is hitting hard against enclosures, clawing and biting, and I feel as if I both want to go and set it free and run far away from here._

"_What am I supposed to do?" I whisper and look behind me._

_Raphael is a few steps away, his huge hands crossed over his broad chest._

"_Kill it or set it free. Or leave. Whatever you want." he shrugs and turns around "Either way hurry, 'cus you ain't got lots of time left."_

_My attention returns to the caged wolf and I see it has finally stopped trying to escape. Now, it's lying on the ground, with its head resting on its paws. I take a cautious step towards it, but the low warning growl stops me from any further action._

"_Hurry, sugar. Almost no time left." _

"_It's not letting me anywhere near. How am I supposed to do anything whatsoever?" I irritably hiss._

_There's no reply and I feel tempted to peek over my shoulder, but the sudden shake of the ground prevents me from any further action. A large crack approaches with a fast pace, splitting the floor in half. If it keeps its current trajectory it will pass right between me and the wolf. A quick glance at the creature is all I need to quickly move out of the way and near the bars._

_The two yellow eyes closely follow my movements and when I come close enough a low growl, accompanied with bared teeth, definitely sharper than daggers, makes me stop. The room behind me is falling apart, that I'm sure of, and were I sane, I'd have saved myself and left this beast here. But, as it seems, I have lost all reasonable thoughts and rather than dashing away I take a deep breath and calm myself. _

"_Look, this place is about to fall apart, with you alongside. Either hide those claws and teeth and let me help ya, or I'm leaving you behind." stern and dead-serious I cross my hands over my chest and wait in anticipation for a reaction. _

"_Run." the wolf growls my way and once again lies back down, its ears flat against its head. 'Sign of fear. Resignation. Loneliness.'_

"_Like hell." I murmur and go for the lock._

_It's a huge piece of metal, solid and seemingly unbreakable. Instead of keyhole, there's a strange symbol engraved on both of its sides. Placing my hand over it, I hope that whatever I think I'm doing will work and we'll be out of here before the void sucks us back in. Miraculously, a clicking sound is heard over all the racket from the crumbling room, and the huge padlock falls to the ground with a loud thud. I grab a hold of the chains and swiftly pull them away. Then the gates open themselves magically and I'm face to face with a wolf that can easily swallow me whole. Yet the creature only bows its head in respect, its yellow eyes shining with emotion that resembles happiness and proudness. _

"_Teamwork." it growls at me and I nod._

_My hand gently buries itself in the soft fur and I run my fingers through the sea of silver softness. _

"_I forgive myself. And I forgive you." I whisper in the animal's ear, all the while not breaking an eye-contact._

_It bares its teeth at me, something which I supposes passes for a smile and with a whiff of its tail across my legs, it vanishes._

I'm thrown out of the liquid mirror and back into the nothingness. This time, as I look around, I don't find it so alluring and nice. It's empty, cold and dark. The tranquillity seems off-place and I frown. Dizziness tries to throw me back into the slumber I just managed to break free of, so I fight it the only way I see fit – with reality. Leonardo's image materializes in from on me, his blue eyes calm as usual.

"I know I can't do everything on my own. And, yes, I'm afraid of falling, but I know you'll be there to pick me up. " he nods and a genuine smile crosses his face before fading away.

A blue band appears on my wrist and I realise it's his bandana. My fingers caress it before I take a deep breath and hold it. One. Two. Three. Exhale.

When my lids lift once again, it's Raphael who's standing in front of me, his frame as large as usual, his muscles twitching.

"You were right. I was afraid of myself. I preferred hiding and pretending the other part of me didn't exist, but I was wrong. I need to be whole again, to embrace my true self. And I'll do it. Happily and willingly. As long as you are there to help me not forget who I am in the process."

A curt nod, followed by a low hm-ing sound is the only reply I get from him. When this mirage melts away as well, there's a red band right next to the blue one. I smile softly and trace the worn fabric with my other hand.

"Am I dead?" I whisper and look to the side at the white wolf standing proudly next to me.

"Almost." it growls and offers its head.

Realising what the gesture means, I scratch it behind the ears and play with its fur.

"I need to wake up. I'm sure there's something I need to do. Someone I need to help."

The wolf only gives me a throaty moan, or at least I think it's that, before its yellow eyes look at me once again.

"Then are you ready to embrace me and my strength? My anger? My ferocity? My wildness?"

"Are you willing to work with me rather than against me?"

A nod is all I get before a huge white tail caresses my back.

"What's your name?" the question is somehow dulled, as I feel my body shutting down once again.

"E…Eérine. "


	4. The dance of white and black

My eyes snap open and I try to rise, only to end up hitting my head in a low ceiling. Moaning and rubbing my eyes, I can't help but notice how beaten up I feel. Somehow managing to push myself in a semi-sitting position, I look around and realise I'm in the cage in Jackal's lair. The room is bathed in darkness, with only a few rays of moonlight shining through the holes in the wall. Frowning I grab the iron bars and push hard. Except for the fierce pain in my shoulder and a strong headache, nothing happens.

"Dammit!" I hiss, this time kicking at the cage.

Another wave of pain courses through my body, leaving me breathless. Bending in half and spitting the blood that's collected in my mouth, I decide to give myself a minute's rest and make sure I have nothing fatally damaged. Cautiously groping at my arms then my legs, I thank my lucky star, that finally showed her sorry ass, that there's nothing broken. Unfortunately after a quick check of my ribcage, I find at least two cracked ribs. Apart from that, and a slight concussion, I'm perfectly fine.

Suddenly a tight twist in my chest knocks the air out of my lungs, and the somewhat peaceful or at least calm feeling coursing through me turns into fear. My heart pounds hard against my bruised chest, my ears drumming, and I feel as if there's not enough air in here. Panic quickly immobilises my body and I fall sideways. The right side of my face ends up in something sticky and I vaguely realise it is blood. _My_ blood. 'Calm down. Just breathe.' The usually helpful chant seems pointless and ridiculous. '**What happened to teamwork?**' a familiar voice growls in my head, making me jump. I'm still panting and trembling, tiptoeing on the verges of my sanity. Squeezing my eyes shut, I concentrate on the familiar nagging feeling in the back of my mind. 'I need your help. I must get out of here and save the guys from that psychopath!' the silence that follows has me on edge, my blood growing colder by second. 'Please. Help me.' '**Fine. But you must not try and control us. This is our true nature. This is who we are.' **Nodding, I take a deep breath and chase away the panic that makes it harder to breathe by the second. The next thing I now, there's a rush of adrenalin burning in my veins, and the bars give up after a good kick. Jumping out of the cage, I stand up and look around the empty space. With my heightened sense, now even more than before after finally coming in terms with myself, I can literally see the trail that bastard left behind him. A low growl rumbles in my chest and I blur away, following his scent while praying to any god that might be listening, that the boys are still ok.

The trail leads me to an abandoned building outside the city. The bad news is that apart from that asshole's stench I sniff out the turtles as well. And then, when I get closer, April's perfume fills my nostrils. 'You must be fucking kidding me.' Sneaking in unnoticed, I let my senses lead the way. My nose picks up many different smells, mainly dust and unventilated air, but there's also a hint of gasoline. Frowning I decide to store this useful piece of information for later on, as something tells me I may need it. Moving fast down through the building, as soundlessly as possible, I reach a staircase leading underground. Without thinking or stopping, I take the stairs in a flash and walk down a long corridor with many doors on both sides. A familiar smell hits me in the face, making me stop for a second. It's the typical for laboratories odour that makes me feel sick every time I sniff it. Yet a loud throbbing brings me back to reality and I listen carefully. The throbbing increase in number and it hits me that those are the heartbeats of the turtles and April. And _him_. I dash down the corridor and stop right before the door, keeping myself glued to the wall.

"You should have seen how fiercely she fought in order to warn you." a low chucking sound follows Jackal's voice.

"It's a pity she fell those stairs." he continues, making his voice sound almost regretful. "She would have been a great personal whore. Had so much fire and embers to her."

Rolling my eyes and concentrating, I call forward more of the beast in me. My body is giving up on me, too beaten up and exhausted to move on its own. But with my beast side on and all the emotion looping, I'm sure I can take down the asshole. 'But first save the guys.'

Using a piece of broken glass that's lying next to my leg, I manage to see what's happening in the room after positioning it correctly. What I glimpse makes my heart bang against my chest. All four of the brothers are locked in a huge transparent cube that's filling with water fast. April is tied to a chair with blood streaming down her face. Gritting my teeth and taking a better hold of the piece of glass I rise up, jump from behind the wall, and throw the glass right towards Jackal's back. He turns around just in time to catch it, but he doesn't stop my next move. My foot collides with his stomach with such brutal force that sends him flying across the room and right through the wall. I huff and run towards April. Her eyes are huge, with tears in them, but the relief I see almost makes me smile. Ripping apart the rope that's keeping her put I set her free and she runs towards the dashboard and looks at all the buttons.

A movement in the periphery of my sight reminds me that we are still not alone and I look at the black tiger that just came out of the dust and ruins. Its jet-black fur is covered in darker blotches, which means he is hurt. A low tug deep in me is the only thing stopping me from ripping him apart.

"You can still fix this, Jackal, and walk out of here alive." I speak confidently as my eyes don't leave him for a second.

"Tell me how to stop the water and you are free to go. To be whoever you want to be. Those people, the ones who used you and turned you into this – they'll kill you if you go back there, no matter how your mission ends."

The tiger roars and charges at me. Stepping out of its way and grabbing it by the left leg, I throw it back against the wall and into the other room.

"April, talk to me!" I shout while keeping my eyes focused on the target.

I don't dare look at the boys, because I'm sure once my attention is drawn away from Jackal, we will all die.

"I don't know how to stop the water! He did something to the machine!" she shouts back, panic overtaking common sense.

"And the glass? How thick is it?" I ask while trying to come up with some kind of a plan.

"A lot. Almost unbreakable."

"That's all I need to know. Keep trying." I shout her way and dash forward.

Jackal is lurking in the corridor and manages to jump at me, but with a quick spin I'm free and away from his sharp claws, my own ready to cut. '**Let's do this the right way.**' under different circumstances I'd have ignored the offered help, believing I can do it on my own. Now I'm not that pig-headed and self-deluded. Another attempt to bite into me has the black tiger tossed on his back a few feet away. The time he needs to get back on his feet is enough for me to shift. It's been some time since I felt more animal than human, but I love it and quickly remind myself how this form operates.

It's a battle of wills and claws. It's fangs against fangs; claws against claws and first generation against second. A wounded wolf against a wounded tiger. The odds are in Jackal's favour, but unlike his egoistic urges to fight, I know it's not only my life on the line here. And the very thought that April, Leonardo, Raphael, Donnie and Mikey will face death if I back down and lose has me fighting with even more zest and ferocity. The corridor quickly fills with the sounds of battle between beasts, growl, groans, hissing, howling, roaring. The cacophony and the blood mix in a dangerous combination as I push Jackal back towards the room with the cube. Filled with anger and driven my feeling of both betrayal and disappointment, I finally dig my teeth into my opponent's leg and use the moment to throw him against the transparent cage. He hits it with such force that the water inside splashes from side to side. April squeaks and runs to the side, not wanting to get caught in the fire. I bare my teeth at the fallen tiger and charge, forgetting that everyone's watching, not even minding. Let them see who I really am and judge for themselves if they want to be my friends.

Jackal tries to save himself by clawing at my face, but I duck and my teeth dig into his neck. Not wanting to give him the opportunity to land a blow, I use him as a bat in hitting the glass ones more. I little crack appears. This time I throw the beast through the room and into the other.

"There's a crack! Eérine, the glass succumbs!" the happiness and hope in the young woman's voice makes me look at her.

She jumps slightly and a worried look graces her features. 'She's wondering whether I know what I'm doing.' I muse and shake my head. Returning my attention to the huge tank and the turtles that have no air left, I take a few steps back and charge. Hitting my body against the glass several times makes the crack go bigger.

"A little bit more. You almost got it!" encourages April and I follow her advice.

I go further back, check if my shoulder is still ok and dash forward. Hitting the glass with such great force has it shattering, the water throwing me back, all wet and trembling. The boys take a few deep breaths and I manage to make an eye-contact with Raph. There's an amused flame in his eyes. A sudden movement in my periphery warns me that something's off. Turning around just in time my body collides with Jackal's. Black fur mixes with white. The growling echoes in the room and we spin around in a dangerous dance of sharp teeth and long claws. I don't want to kill him, I now I don't, but the crazy murderous look in his eyes takes the decision is stead of me. His face heads for my neck and I know that if he lands this blow, I'm dead and so are the others. So I use my thinner and more elongated snout to lunge for his as well. My dagger-like teeth pierce his skin and dig into his throat. When I pull away, I have his oesophagus between my teeth, with fresh blood dripping down on the floor. Jackal wriggles around for a while before his body suddenly freezes and his eyes turn glassy. His tiger form disappears, leaving a naked man lying on the cold ground with blood pooling around him. I let his gullet fall to the ground and turn around to look at the others.

April is hugging Mikey for dear life, probably crying in his chest. He gently pats her on the back, but his eyes are on me. Actually all the eyes are on me. I let a puff of air and nod towards the exit, my long white tail gently swaying behind me. Yet the brothers stay rooted to their places.

"What the fuck are you waiting for?! This place will blow up any time!" my voice sounds so different, so hoarse and feral, that for a second I wonder if I was the one who spoke.

All five of them stare at me wide eyed before Leo ushers us to move out.

"Questions will be asked later." he says as he helps Raph out of the room. I walk right behind them, and so notice the large crack on his shell.

'He must have faced Jackal's claws more than once. And a pretty thick wall for that matter…' I grimly state as I look around worriedly.

Despite Leo's best attempts, it's hard for him to make his brother move faster, and impossible to carry him out. 'With this rate we won't make it.'

"Put him on my back." I bark at Leo and he frowns. "We are running out of time. Put him on my back and run."

For a second he debates but then nods. Gently placing his larger, and heavier, brother on my back as I lay on the floor, Leonardo suddenly caresses my head. I look up and him, his gentle blue eyes filled with a strange emotion for a second before he again nods and steps away, making sure that I'll raise with Raph on my back. 'Jee, thanks for the faith!' I ironically think before standing up.

True to my predictions, I'm on my limit and Raph's body surely applies some additional pressure on my back, but I'll make it. I'm sure.

Leonardo watches amazed as I take a few cautious steps forward, testing if I'll manage to run with Raph. He wobbles on my back, obviously unsure of how to keep himself on without inflicting me pain.

"Grab tight!" after he hesitates, I move my shoulder blades, showing him that if he doesn't grab me by the fur, he'll fall. "Don't worry. Do it!"

I nod at Leo and he runs ahead.

"C'mon, Raph. Trust me." I say and turn my head to look at him.

He nods, but I can see fear swirling in his eyes. Yet he grabs hold of my fur and bends lower, his cold plastron pressing firmly against my back. After a few more cautious steps and another warning I dash forward, not as fast as usual, but good enough.

All the others are already at some distance away by the time I run out of the old building with Raph on my back. He's speechless and clings to me pretty tightly. But thanks to that he doesn't fly off after I take a few long jumps to shorten the distance between us and the others. The moment I land right next to them with a low thud, the building explodes, sending flying pieces everywhere. I manage to lie down of my stomach, and turn my head to the side, not wanting to end up with matchwood between my eyes.

A second or two later I look around, only to see a plastron blocking my view. Glancing up, I see Leonardo bend forward, hiding half of me with his body, his shell hard enough to stop the flying pieces. Our eyes meet and I realise that this is one of the first times we are so close to each other. The blue of his eyes seems deeper and clearer than ever, and I can't help but smile. Then I realise I'm still a wolf and probably my smile looks like I'm baring my teeth at him.

"Is everyone all right?" asks Mikey worriedly, looking at me then at his brothers than back at me.

"I think we are." answers Leo and looks at me for confirmation.

"Then can we leave? 'Cus I'm starvin'!" he pleas and everyone laughs.

I stand up, with Raph still on my back, startling him. I wave my tail and gently pat him on shoulder.

"That's our cue." April smiles and looks at Mikey with such warmth that without a doubt I'm sure there's something more than friendship between them.

"Let's move." back into his leader role, Leonardo runs ahead.

Raph and I are right behind him. Donnie is sprinting on my left and Michelangelo is on my right, with April pressed firmly against his chest.

For a first time in years, I feel free in a way I have never been before. Light-hearted and happy. In peace with myself. And probably finally ready to give my feelings for the both Raphael and Leonardo a chance to bloom. 'We did it!' '**Ah, we did.**'

We are finally back in the lair, faster thanks to a tunnel Donnie found in the outskirts, that turned out to be a shortcut. Tired but alive I step firmly and surely into the large room, feeling like it was a whole lifetime ago since I was here.

Everyone seems content to be home, and Raph is finally taken care of. Still in my wolf form, I place myself near where Donnie is patching up his older brother, and just watch. I feel exhausted and at the point of losing my consciousness, which I would have done, if I didn't feel someone's presence next to me. Tilting my head to the side, with the corner of my eye I spot Leonardo just standing there, looking at his brother.

I pat the space next to me with my tail and he takes the invitation to join. Using our proximity, I notice how his jaw clenches and unclench, how his muscles stiff and realise something's bothering him.

There are so many unsaid things between us, yet neither I, nor he wants to bring the subject up. Not now, at least. We sit in comfortable silence for what seems like hours, until someone clears their throat.

"Which one of you will explain why exactly were all of you out in the open tonight?" Master Splinter's voice echoes in the dead silence.

The brothers look at each other, asking silently what to do. Then I stand up and turn towards Master. His big black eyes look at me, and I try to find even the slightest hint of fear or disgust in them, but there's none. He seems upset, yes, put not angry so that gives me the needed courage to speak. Or at least that was the plan until I collapsed on the cold ground, the world around me drowning in darkness, like someone just turned off the lights.

It's been a couple of days since Jackal was defeated, and everyone returned home in one piece, only to end up in the Hashi. Well, save for April that had nothing do to with the whole 'breaking the holy rule to stay underground' thing, and me, since all my light were off, and I was in dream-land. I was driven to a hospital and, eventually, left there in order for the doctors to make some tests. In my hospital board, or however those things are called, was written some pretty terrifying things, whose meaning I could hardly fathom. Thankfully, the nurse that came to check on me gave me a brief explanation of my current situation – two cracked ribs, major blood loss, a temporary concussion without any permanent damage and some other minor damage that I shouldn't worry about. The young lady also informed me that I'm expected to recover enough to leave in over a week. Imagine then their expressions when the next morning I took my stuff and left, claiming to be perfectly fine and in no need of hospitalization. Unfortunately it took a lot of persuasion and a check of my ribs before I slipped out of the white trap, reeking of medicaments and illness. April, just like the nurse, was far from happy that I was out so soon, but with some reassurance she left the scolding for later.

Now, since I'm in perfect health already, I'm back on duty and, as usual, find in hard to concentrate on what the customers are saying. My mind wanders and my gaze drifts every so often that finally the manager tells me to grab my stuff and head home. Halfway there I decide to call April, only to find her with the turtles, having a movie night. And, being the good friend she is, she invited me to join them, as long as I bring some treats. With a sigh I close the phone and return to the restaurant, ordering five large pizzas.

The darkness of the underground always gave me the chills. No matter what time of the day it is or if I have someone with me, I can't help but feel trapped. Now, carrying the large pizzas and giving my best to both not drop them or make a face as their 'odour' is all over me, a sudden sound of a can being hit echoes in the tunnel. Freezing on the spot, my eyes change immediately so that I can see better, but turns out to be unnecessary, as my sense of smell tells me who I'll be facing.

"You know it's not wise to sneak up on me, right? I can easily throw you across the tunnel, even with one hand." I want my voice to sound serious or angry, but I can't help but feel amused and it shows.

"I actually came to help. Didn't mean to scare you." Leonardo comes out of the shadows, a smile on his face as well.

Our eyes meet, his clear sapphire blue with my melted chocolate, and we just stand there. There's a weird connection, almost visible, that forms in those sweet seconds, but the tension makes me nervous and I break eye-contact all the meanwhile handing him the pizzas.

"Here 'ya go, tough guy. Feel helpful."

As he takes the boxes from me, accidentally our finger touch and I swear I feel blood rushing to my face. 'Act cool. Be as cool as a cucumber.' I tell myself before pulling away, eyes darting in all directions unless his. Without another word he turns around and leads the way. I don't need to be a great scientist to realise just how stupid I acted a second ago, and that, inadvertently, I just bruised both his pride and feelings. 'Fucking idiot!'

Despite my appearance of a tough and thick-skinned, I'm the complete opposite – too insecure in myself to let someone close enough. It's a miracle I even have the friends I do, but since I'm getting older, the great plan 'be-on-your-own' has stopped working some time ago. Now I find myself needing affection and attention. Yet it's easier said than done to let people in. I have been betrayed and left alone basically my whole life, so it's a challenge to socialise and I'm talking friendly chats here, not the whole affection and love stuff. And now, after I promised myself to be more, let's say open-minded about being in an actual relationship, I need to learn to stop pushing people away and avoid physical contact.

Glancing at Leo, I feel stuck on the same step I have always been. 'My reaction just proved my colleagues' hypothesis that I'm antisocial and probably heartless.' I pout and wrack my brain for any ideas how to fix things up. Unfortunately I run out of time as we are already there. Leo jumps effortlessly and hands Mickey, who rushed immediately by the smell of pizzas, the boxes before turning towards me. For a first time I just stop for a while and let myself absorb the place and its residents. All my senses memorize the surrounding, if one day I'm no longer allowed to return.

"You coming or what?" Leo's soft voice pulls me out of my sudden melancholia and I look down at him.

He seems to be waiting to help me down, knowing perfectly well that I can jump and land with ease. Yet the gesture is so genuine and nice, that I smile and nod. His large hands rise and catch me around the waist, picking me up as if I weight nothing. For a second he stops me at eye-level, and I can't help but stare in those hypnotising eyes of his. I feel as if I should do or say something, yet nothing comes to mind and I just smile, hoping that my previous rudeness is forgiven, and that he will see just how close to my heart he has gotten. The moment ends faster than expected and I can't help but feel disappointed when he lets me down. To my amazement his hands linger on my waist for a little longer than needed and a sudden spark flies between us. For someone who has spent most of his free time in meditation and learning to stay calm in crises, all of Leonardo's emotions can be seen swirling in his eyes. I can't tell them apart, but by the sheer look of warmth and awe in those blue lagoons, I know that he's probably not as uninterested in me as I may have thought. Yet our little bubble it smashes by Michelangelo's shouts to bring our asses over 'cus we are going to miss the best part. Half-heartedly we part and I know that, despite not realising it, I just made the first step to making my wish come true. Or at least a part of it. After a quick glance in Raph's direction, I catch him looking at his brother in a very disturbing way. 'Maybe it will be a good idea to come clean with them both and then make steps and stuff.' I make a mental note to ask both of them to come and talk later on, but as for now all I want is to enjoy one calm and pleasant night with the people/turtles I care the most for.

The movie was a blast by itself, but when a bottle of wine appeared on the table, April and I couldn't help ourselves. Unlike her, I'm bad at drinking and can get easily drunk, but believing that only one glass won't do much harm, I let myself have some fun. Which, naturally, ends in me feeling rather strange and light-headed. When April offers to open a second bottle I shake my head, admitting that I had my fill, if not even more. There are no signs of nausea for now, but either way I stand up and head to the bathroom, taking small steps in hopes to decrease the faltering. I admit that it's nice for once to feel so free and happy, yet the whole 'I can hardy move my feet' thing is a pain in the ass. Somehow, after a miraculous crossing of most of the lair, I reach the bathroom. The space is divided into two separate parts – one functioning as a toilet and the other as a, well, bathroom. There's a huge tub right in the centre, with UV lights on ceiling, and I can't help but liken it to a terrarium. Unfortunately gazing up turns out to be the worst idea ever, and now my head spins so badly that I have to fight the urge to vomit on the tiles.

"Jonny, we have a problem…" my happy-drunk-desperate voice resonates in the vast space, making it sound so much louder.

The initial plan is to sit on the edge of the tub and give myself a minute or two to recollect, yet somehow I end up in the said tub, halfway lying in one of the huge holes, or whatever they are, made in order for the boys' shells to fit and be all comfy. Now I'm cuddled in there, the coolness of the ceramics against my cheek making my skin prickle. Letting my lids narrow and almost close, just for a second, I feel my thoughts wander around a certain problem I wanted to deal with when I came. Somehow, now, it escapes me what exactly it was. 'What did I say I'll talk about and with who?' my mind is a chaotic mess, and it's no wonder I end up lying there, thinking just how pitiful I may look to an outsider. A girl in her early twenties who has absolutely no experience in the whole boyfriend thing, and let's not mention the sex, 'cus that deserves a few plaintive tears to be mourned with. Because, c'mon, as a human being I have my needs, and as a female dominant wolf these needs grown the size of a freaking Godzilla! And that's every month! And how do I cope? Chicken away in my flat, trying to cool my hot body and definitely not wanting to go men-hinting. Well, maybe just a little. 'And now I sit here, drowning myself in cheap booze and pity, when the men I want are just a few meters away. What a waste of a perfectly fine opportunity…' the moment the though hits me, I know I shouldn't have drank so much.

"Sweet pwancakes…." I murmur and hit my head in the tub.

Should I compare the immediate pain that shoots through all my cells in that moment, I'll have to say banging your pinkie in a sharp edge repeatedly. The dull thud rings in my head as well as hundreds of curses, some of which I even mutter while keeping my eyes shut and praying for the pain to go away quickly.

"Are you alright?!" a worried voice swirls over the cacophony in my head and I peek from over the edge of the tub.

Only to wish for the said tub to open and swallow me, immediately if possible. On the threshold I find both Leonardo and Raphael looking at me with a mix of concern and that delusional happiness that only someone who has had a few drinks can have. Unlike me, though, they had no more than a glass so are in a better shape. After all, I had half a bottle, thank you very much.

"Wyeah…. fwine…. just chilling…." I clear my throat and that drunken slang disappears. "Why is you there?"

Unfortunately my vocabulary seems to be in even worse jumble than my haphazard thoughts. Thankfully, the boys understand that right now I'm not in my best shape, and while I can bet my right ovary that Raphael will make me regret every single drop of wine I had tonight, for now they act companionate and understanding. Yet after taking a few unstable steps, I know that we are in the same hole here. I sinister smirk crosses my face, crooking my lips way too high, and before I know it I'm a giggling and snickering mess.

"What so funny?" Raph's usual ruff voice sounds a little bit more slurred and that only makes me laugh more.

"I think she's making fun of us." Leonardo, the living example of courage and restrain, seems rather bothered by how his words come out uncertain and, also, the slightest bit slurred.

I calm down out of the blue and pat the places next to me after I finally sit rather than lay, and rest my head on the edge. It takes both males no more than a minute to come and sit on both of my sides, the only sound in the room being the echo of their steps.

"What… the others…" I try hand gesturing, as my mouth seems numb and currently out of order, but those cheesy sticks are worthless as well. It's a good thing my companions are still in a rather good shape.

"Donnie returned to his coffee and computers." Leo begins, looking straight ahead.

"Mikey and April went somewhere. That nut-shell…" Raph seems amused by the fact that his brother took one very drunk April somewhere and that angers me.

"Dammit! I knee to find…. I mean I _need_ to find her! She's drunk and he's a man. God, I'll kill him. Fry him in his shell…" I fume and hiss while trying to get up.

Eventually crawling in the only way I manage to move to the centre of the tub and would have taken to the side closest to the door, when I realised how I must look – on my knees in nothing but shorts and one way too big T-shirt, and it was Donnie's!, my hair falling on my back and at my sides. Being the smart little one I am, I tried to make a quick spin and catch Raph and Leo red handed, ogling my ass, yet, unfortunately but expectedly, I end up plank on my back, with a loud bang echoing in the room. I hit my head so hard that the thing with the pinkie I said earlier – that turns out to be a pitiful understatement. Howling in pain I try to stop the tears that for in my eyes, but it's too late.

"God that was a fine bang." chuckles Raphael and I manage to kick him in the sole.

"Don't be an ass!" hisses Leo before magically appearing on my left side. "Eérine, can you hear me? Are you ok?" he seems like he's on the verge of a breakdown, so I give him the best attempt of a smile I can muster from behind my hands, since I'm hiding my face.

"She's not a fucking baby, Leo! Stop cradling her!" snarls Raph and I moan, knowing perfectly well where this is going.

"Didn't you see how she hit her head? She came out of a hospital a few days ago, dammit, I'm not letting her go back in one! Don't be such a heartless prick!"

I'm speechless and gaping after what I just heard. Leonardo who never, and I mean never, under no circumstances, uses vile language, just said 'dammit'! I would have made a remark if my head wasn't feeling rather broken right now.

"What did ya just said to me, ya bouncer?" Raph's voice is so low and threatening that a shiver runs down my spine.

I know I need to come up with some kind of diversion if I don't want to become a witness of a fight in a freaking bathtub, which will definitely result in a broken something, so I wrack my brain for something, anything. And then it hits me. Literally.

"Let's fill the tub." I offer and sit up, quickly getting rid of the tears on my cheeks.

Those two, being the hotheads they are, are glaring at each other with such ferocity that I quickly crawl to the taps, grab the shower handset and after checking that the water is cold rather than hot, I spin the faucet furiously. The ice-cold water jet hits both brothers, making them jump and try to hide. It's pointless, since the whole tub in now wet and slippery, so eventually the crawl apart, each sitting in the opposite end.

"Now, since ya chilled down, how about we fill the tub?" I ask again, a cheeky smile in place.

No one says a thing and I roll my eyes, finally annoyed with the whole glaring contest.

"Fine! Get out then! I'll have you tub for myself." subconsciously I know I said something not quite right, but since I'm too angry to correct myself, I leave it like that and put the handset. Untying my converses and throwing them out alongside my socks I proceed to get out of Donnie's tee, when I notice both Leo and Raph first stare at me wide eyes, them quickly look away, obviously uncomfortable with the sight.

"I ain't a beauty, but I'm not that bad either. Seesh. Grow up all ready." and with that said I throw the oversized garment out as well.

Left only in my shorts and sports bra, I proudly stare at the mini pile formed near the door. Then I look at the brothers, wondering if there's something important to be taken off. The only garments they are currently wearing are their loincloths, so I disregard them and return to the taps. It takes two tries but I finally get the water running from the lower end and start filling the tub.

"Sugar." calls Raph and I turn around. "You may need this." and he throws at me a little black tap.

Quickly putting it in place, I check the water, nice and hot, and crawl my way back to the middle of the tub.

"Ya cool? No need to stay if ya don't wantcha. I won't drown or something."

None of them makes a move to leave and I sigh with relief, somehow happy that they are willing to get a scratch on their pride for me.

Closing my lids and letting my head drop back, I let the sensation of the water lapping around my feet sooth me down.

"I'll grow old until it fills." states Raph and goes to check the taps.

I can't help but marvel at his back. The rough texture of his shell looks so alluring, that I desperately want to touch it, to caress it and to feel just how rugged it is for myself. And his broad shoulder, peeking from the sides. As being the most muscular and large of all four, Raph surely can be an eye-candy with all those rock hard, solid muscles. I never considered myself the type of girl who likes a guy for his muscles, but with Raphael there's no way I can't simple admire all his hard work. 'If he worked this hard of being friendlier and less an ass, life would be perfect…' I muse and smile, letting my head fall to the side. True to expectations, the water goes a lot faster after Raph did whatever he did. Pulling one eye open I look at the lamps and a though crosses my mind. As if having read said though, Leonardo crawls to the wall and hits a button. After a few flickers, the huge lights lit up, and I can help the sigh of pure pleasure that skips past my lips.

No more than three or four minutes later the tub is filled to the brim and we are all lying with our backs facing the huge lamps. I pushed my hair out of the way, not wanting to block the light for a patch of skin, so now some of my snowy locks calmly dangle in the water while others are tossed over my shoulder and on the tiles. Humming with content and pleasure, I feel as if I'm in heaven.

"I can live here." my purred confession earns me two chuckles.

"So can we." admits Leo, his voice sounding more relaxed than usual. 'He's enjoying himself.'

Time passes and slowly I feel my lids closing and my body relaxing under the influence of the warmth of the water. 'Just like a terrarium.' Purring, I sit back up and stretch, bones and joints popping and falling back in place. Suddenly, the desire to go for a dip overtakes me and without thinking I dive forward, letting the hot water wash over my face and still slightly pulsating head. Emerging in the other end, I manage to splash some water out of the tub, making the tiles go all wet and slippery. I run my hand through my hair, pushing some strands out of my face and turn around, only to be faced with two very strangely-looking turtles.

"There a problem?" I keep my voice low, not wanting to chase away the magic of the moment.

They just shake their heads while their eyes stay glued to me. For a second the thought that I may have come out of the water topless crosses my mind, but the distinctive pressure of the sports bra over my chest tells me otherwise so I shrug it off and crawl-swim my way back.

"I vaguely remember I had to do something." I whisper after siting myself comfortably.

"Any clues?" asks Leo, mostly out of politeness rather than curiosity.

"Nah. Just that it had something to do with you two… " with that said, I'm sure I have both their attention completely.

"Sugar, you banged your head pretty hard. Twice. Chill." Raph obviously tries to play disinterested, but the glimmering in his eyes tells me otherwise.

"I'm sure it was important… God, it's on the tip of my tongue!" already pretty agitated with myself, I burry both my hands in my hair, in a weak attempt to stimulate my brain into finally working.

Suddenly I feel sick and suffocated. The abrupt change and the uncomfortable knots in my stomach warn me that it will be best if I get out of the tub, now. But my muscles seem to disagree and despair takes over as bile rises to my throat, a clear sign that most probably I'll empty to content of my stomach pretty soon.

The nice steamy air a moment ago now seems too heavy and clogged, almost suffocating, making my lungs fight for more air and leading to hyperventilation in no time. With a low muttered curse I try to pull myself out of the tub, but my hands fail me. Out of the blue someone lifts my body and I'm carried out of the suddenly claustrophobic room. Puffing and panting I take in large gulps of the remotely cooler air outside, slowly but surely feeling the tightening in my chest vanishing. As I'm left to lean on the wall, my eyes close and I can barely hear whispers around me and some fussing, before my head makes a dangerous spin and I faint.


	5. Us

DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING BUT THE PLOT AND MY OC!

NOTE: This is the last chapter and yes, I know, the ending sucks, but that's the way I want it to be - it's up to you to figure it out whether or not they will make it.

I hope you enjoy this last bit! ^^

~ Nikkitosa

* * *

><p>It's cosy and warm wherever I'm currently sleeping and I find it alluring to return to my blissful slumber the minute I feel myself regaining consciousness. There's buzzing around me but it suddenly ceases and my lids flutter open, only to be met with an unfamiliar sight. Blinking a few times to chase away the sleepiness I realise that I'm in one of the boys' beds, and the thing I noticed was April, napping in the bed next to mine. She seems fine, probably having fallen asleep the minute Mickey laid her here. 'And I though he may use her in a sexual way. Definitely the award for the worst friend ever will be mine.' shaking my head and throwing the covers away, I silently tip-toe out of this room, successfully not waking up Donnie or Mickey in the process. Somehow, still rather dizzy and with hangover looming behind the corner, I reach the kitchen and find some pills that will help with the nausea and the dull pain in my head. 'Those hits must have been a lot harder than expected.'<p>

Wandering into the living room, I find it disturbingly dark. Summoning my wolf senses, my eyes scan it once more before noticing that it's actually not so empty. On the floor, lying over some old blankets, Leo and Raph are peacefully sleeping. I can't help but sneak closer, wanting to take a better look at their calm forms, since this may be my only chance. Yet somewhere along the way I seem to have made some kind of a noise which woke them up, both jumping up abruptly, ready to fight.

"Wow, wow, wow! Chill. It's me." I whisper before someone decided to go all fists and grips.

A low grunt is the only noise Raph makes before sitting back down and rubs his face, not managing to suppress the low yawn that escapes him. A random giggle vibrates in my chest, making me blush. 'Good thing it's dark.'

"Why are you up? Are you feeling sick again?" Leo, sleepy as well, still manages to pull more concern out of his dozing soul than his younger brother.

"Uh, I'm fine. Just grabbed some pills do dull the headache. And when _was_ I sick?"

It's disturbing enough that I don't actually remember how I ended up in the bed, but now I seem to have been, what, throwing up? 'God, no!'

"Well… you were feeling sick… and, well… uh…" Leo's loss of words tells me enough and I throw myself on the couch, before giving a low whimper, shame making my skin burn.

"I am so, terribly, awfully sorry. I swear, I'll never drink again. God, I'm so embarrassed!"

"Huh. Won't believe it until I see it." whispers Raph and, on impulse, I grab a pillow and throw it his way.

"Hey!" he grumbles as the object hits his face. "Ain't fair, wolf-eyes."

"Don't worry, Eérine, it was a normal reaction to consuming to much alcohol and then rising your body's temperature. It happens." as usual Leonardo is being understanding to the point where it almost becomes unbearable, making you feel even worse.

"Just tell me I wasn't talking some random shit. Please." I whisper while looking at them from over the edge of the couch.

The silence that follows is so deafening that I'm sure they can hear the accelerating beating of my heart. The sudden dull ache in my chest reminds me that my overreacting muscle is smashing itself against my ribcage, which was pretty much cracked not long time ago. There's shifting from the boys' side and I look at them carefully. The impenetrable darkness doesn't allow me to see more than their outlines, but by the way they peek at each other and anxiously move their shoulders, I know I must have been babbling like crazy.

"Oh, boy. That bad? What was I saying? Nothing rude, I hope?" I ask, my voice barely above a whisper since the silence seems to have acquired the strange property to turn the lowest of sounds in the loudest of bangs the moment the space gets covered in darkness.

"For s'one who hit her head so many times, you were pretty chatty." drawls Raphael, making me want to just close my eyes and pretend I'm back in the bed, clueless to what had happened.

"You seem to have a… problem…. that bugs you." it's the worry and light-threading of the oldest turtle's voice that makes my heart skip a beat. 'Oh, whole mighty one, please, I beg of you, _please_, tell me I haven't said something about _that_ problem.'

"A problem? What do you mean?" it's a suicidal mission, I know, but the though itself that I may have blurred out something concerning my feelings for them made me nervous and jumpy in a very unnatural way.

Yet more silence follows, and none dares break it. That's the whole confirmation I need before lowering my head, hissing a low curse, and standing up, not wanting to inflict any more embarrassment or pain to anyone, including myself. Unfortunately I don't watch where I step and run right into something hard only to take a step back and bump in somethin hard again! Gazing up, I see that both turtles are blocking the way. Leo is in front of me, while Raph makes sure I won't turn around and have a run for it.

"What are you doing?" I whisper and grit my teeth at how week and frail my voice sounds.

"Stopping you from running away." states the blue-eyes turtle.

"Again." adds his brother and I roll my eyes.

"I wasn't running! I was just…. quickly strolling away with large steps." trying to be smart when you are drowning in your own shame is being harder than I though.

"Sugar, grow some balls." the huff of air I feel on the back of my neck indicates that soon I may be sandwiched between two men, who want answers I may not be able to give them.

"What he means, is face your problems rather than run from them." helpfully adds Leo, obviously not happy with the way his brother's vocabulary is coming in use.

"Like I said –not running, just walking away in a fast pace. There's a difference. Now move." I try to dash past Leo, but a light tug on my elbow prevents me from even making a step.

"You ain't going anywhere, sugar, till we get things straight." it's the sternness in his voice that leaves no place for objection.

"It will be better for all of us if we… get things straight from the beginning. It will prevent further… misunderstandings."

"Stop using fancy words, smart pants!" they will be at each other's throats in less than three minutes, and I know this is my chance to flee, but something stops me.

Sudden quietness dulls my senses and I close my eyes. In a flash I'm back into the black void where I saw which my biggest flaws were and decided to fix them, no matter what. This is the place I embraced myself and who I really am, and the people that helped me were the two hotheads of brothers that have such deep and warm feelings for each other, that in fear of looking weak, they hide them behind rudeness and brutal force.

…Drip…

I look to my side and see the white wolf, her huge tail swaying behind her gracefully.

"You need to learn to share and let people in." her brisk voice rumbles from within her as she stares ahead of us.

"What if I get rejected?"

"Those are the risks of having feelings for someone. Yet I don't see why you are being so worried and paranoid – it's obvious they fancy you."

"Then why has none said a word?"

"Why haven't you?"

I pout and look away, knowing that she's right, just not wanting to admit it.

"They are showing it with their actions. As are you, for that matter. Just say how you feel." there's more truth to her words that I care do admit and, unconsciously I find myself wondering what is there to lose.

'A lot, actually!' Since Splinter found me and took me under his wing, later meeting me with his sons, they have become my family, the only family I have. They were united and wary when I first came, not really knowing if they can trust me. After we grew to know each other, all the doubt vanished and I was welcome in their home at any time. Then what happens if it gets ugly or awkward with half of the said family? What if things don't work out with Leo and Raph? They'll eventually grow wary again, hate me even, and it'll be just natural for the rest of the family to take their side. 'I'll be alone and an outcast. Tossed back where I started.' the grimness that thought carries makes my blood grow cold.

On the other hand, if things go good, everything will be fine. I'll learn how to be in a relationship, how to open up and speak about my feelings, be more active and nice. It will be great to have someone to talk to, someone to caress you and love you just like you do, someone to understand what's like to be exiled and not fitting. 'We'll learn together, as it will be new for them as well.' There no longer will be just me. It won't be the Hamato family and me, but _Us_. And for a strange reason that thought, mostly even a dear wish, makes my heart ache pleasantly. 'That's all I ever wanted. A family.' the realisation hits me so hard that it almost inflicts physical pain.

"Finally realised what you want?" the wolf looks at me with amused flames in her eyes and I smile.

"Actually ,yes."

"And?"

"The pros outweigh the cons." I whisper and under the sound of a falling drop I'm thrown back into the present.

It seems that my temporary drifting away took no more than a fraction of the second, which is good. It would have been pretty unsettling to come round to a bruised and bleeding brothers.

"Fine." I hiss and that way surcease the quarrel. "I'll be honest with you and myself and shed some light!"

They stay silent, and the tiny space between us fills with anticipation and nervousness. Both of them are on the edge of their seats, and that makes me think just how uncertain they must be feeling. After all, the option to be with a woman surely was never a part of their plans for the future due to the whole different species thing. I, personally, kept myself away from any relationships on purpose, too afraid of hurting or being hurt to let my guard down. But them? It definitely must have been hard growing up and maturing, knowing that your whole life will revolve solemnly around your family. A family that you dearly love but it's still all-male. 'Looking it from this point, it seems I have been acting like a bitch more than usual, regarding only my feelings, not thinking about theirs. ' Gee, that's really helpful…

"I have certain… feelings… that I don't either understand or know how to show… but I feel them in me, so their definitely not my imagination playing tricks of my lonely soul… So…. I guess…. I harbour…. romantic feelings for both of you! Fine! There. Said it!" I stomp my foot and wait for any reaction.

There's none. Both turtles just stay there, looking pretty scared. Furrowing my eyebrows I cross my hands and sigh.

"Some kind of a reaction any time soon will be fine, ya know.." I helpfully add, hoping that someone will say something.

When they stay silent, obviously having a hard time taking in what I said, I throw my hands up in the air in defeat and walk right back to the couch were I take a sit, cross my legs and let my head drop back. Squeezing my eyes shut, I want to wake up from this awful nightmare and find myself sleeping in my own bed, far away from the mess I just made. The sudden incline of the couch warns me that someone just sat and my senses confirm that now both my sides are occupied by a turtle. As if having conspired or something, simultaneously both my hands are being gently taken by a larger one, and squeezed, as if reassuring me that they are here. I squeeze back and a small smile plays on my face.

"So? Any yes or no's? " my low whisper breaks the silence yet again.

Another set of squeezes follows, and I lift my head, finally taking a proper sitting position. Pulling their larger hands in my lap and laying them one next to the other, I gently trace their rough, scaled skin, worn out from many tiresome workouts and even more hours in the Hashi.

"It's not a small thing to ask, and I know it's crazy of me to expect you to react open-heartedly to this…." my words get stuck in my throat and I feel tears, brought out by the fear of rejection, forming in my eyes. "I just want… _need_, to know. If there's even a chance that we…" yet again my voice grows too thin and I stop, giving myself time to collect my emotions.

With a low and desperate sigh I drop my head down and continue tracing their huge hands, not really knowing what more to say. My soul is naked for a first time in a while , and it's up to them to decide what to do with it – crush it or cradle it. Again, the only reaction I get is a gentle squeeze that tells me that they are still here and are still listening. But there's nothing more I can say.

"We don't get along well, sugar, ya know it…" the first to speak is, amazingly, Raphael, who's currently sitting on my right.

"But that doesn't mean we hate each other or something." quickly adds Leo, on my left.

"The point is, we… "

"Don't know how the whole relationship-thing functions. Neither do I. But I'm willing to find out." I helpfully add, knowing exactly how they feel.

"So… you are willing to be patient?" for a first time I hear Leonardo, the one who uses words so easily and efficiently, sound unsure of what he says.

"As long as you will be patient with me… " I say, gently squeezing their hands.

"S'ts me." comes a whisper from the right.

"We surely will find a way to melt your ice?" it's a strange mixture of a suggestion and an invitation, even a little bit of flirtation and I chuckle.

"Good luck with that one, boys. I'm as hard as a rock." my ego sometimes gets the best of me.

"We'll see 'bout that, sugar." Raph's voice is almost a purr and I can't help but feel eager to see where this thing will take us.


End file.
